Where Is The Light?

Hi to everybody
For some time I've been visiting this exceptional community and I'm amazed by the amount of things everyone has to share here, wether it's about love life, happiness, depression and so on, so I finally decided to join in and share my story.

I'm 19, I live in Switzerland and I'm almost done with my junior year in High School (If I lived in the USA, I'd be a fresh man in college). I belong to a close-knit family, I'm physically healthy and I have good grades in school, and I feel blessed to have these in my life.

But...

I'm shy, have very few friends, I'm a nervous wreck about everything, I'm gay. All I'm asking for to be happy is having people who actually want to hang out with me and be able to make good impressions when I meet new people, then I'll be more than satisfied with my living. I often spend weekends at home and after a while it becomes very depressing to the point that I'm willing to go out on a Saturday night by myself just for the sake of not hanging around the house. Is it that people notice I'm gay and don't feel comfortable with it? (I'm not girlish, I look just like an average guy). Is it that I'm not good looking enough? (it's a matter of fact, good looks are the key to success, no doubt about it). Is it that I'm not interesting and don't have great things to tell people about me? There always seem to be a better person around me who has an easy time in good impressions without any particular reason, maybe it's a matter of chemistry, I don't know... I can't help but thinking that social and good looking people have it all and wil thrive through their lives and I'm very jealous of them even though I know it's wrong feeling this way about people. Moreover, I failed 3 times my driving test even though I'm a good driver, but it's the exam which drives me nuts, and the thought of not passing it again makes feel suicidal, I'm not joking here. I feel like this license is my key to happinnes, I see it as something which will finally give a big boost to my freedom and which will make me a cooler person thus drawing people's attentions. This loneliness is simply killing me, I need people who love me besides my family.

The road in the long dark tunnel will be taking a long time, but I still have plenty of years to live, which give me enough time to reach the end of the drive through the pitch black track and finally emerge into the beautiful, comforting and bright sunlight.
glimpseofheaven glimpseofheaven
18-21, M
1 Response May 7, 2012

UPDATE: today I got my driving's licence I'm totally overjoyed!!