Happiness - I Want It Back!

I use to be happy.  Sometime in the distant past.  Now I'm stuck in this rut and I can't seem to pull myself out.  I no longer have the strength to fight to get through every day.  The struggle just seems to hard.  I can remember being happy and would really like to feel that way again.  My life seems to be so meaningless anymore.  I don't know why I'm here or what I'm battling for.  I've lost almost everything and everyone I have ever cared about or loved.  Now it looks like I will probably lose my  house - the house I grew up in.  I try so hard to make each day a good one, a happy one.  But no matter what I do something or someone always has to crush me.  I am so tired of people thinking that they know what is best for me.  They have not walked in my shoes, or lived through what I have.  My Mom always told me that I felt things to deeply - that what most people would shrug off I take inside myself.  I try not to let things bother me but they do.  The last couple of day were actually pretty good - I actually did some wash and cleaned the house a bit.  But today I again feel so empty inside.  I want to feel joy of life again - I want to enjoy the little things like I use to.  The sun on my face, when my cat purrs, the sweet kiss from my rabbit, the laughter of my friend.  I want my Dad and Mom back.  I want my sister and brother back.  I want to keep my house.  I want to live life instead of just watching it go by.

MTBunnyLuv MTBunnyLuv
46-50, F
3 Responses Mar 2, 2009

I know exactly how you feel. I want my parents back and my grandparents and most of all, my precious Husband who was deliberately killed by the doctor who was suppose to save him. I feel like 99% of me went with my Husband when he left this life and the tiny 1% of me that is left, is really having a difficult time. It just goes from one day to the next and I have no idea what this supposed Life is anymore, without the rest of me here.<br />
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My heart and prayers go out to you.<br />
<br />
My Grandmother once said "There's never a Bad that you can't find a Worse". Most of my life I believed her, because I always found the "Worse". However, since my precious Husband of 36 years was deliberately killed by the doctor, I think we are the "Worse" this time.<br />
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I pray that you will not lose your house and that your family will come to you in your "REAL" dreams and you will wake up with a smile on your face from now on.<br />
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GOD BLESS YOU.

I admire your courage in that you are trying. It is so much easier to just dwell in it and let go.<br />
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Keep on trying! I hope you'll work things out!

So you want happy eh ....... ? <br />
<br />
Well you have came to the right place ..........<br />
<br />
Great you got this stuff out and on the page .......<br />
<br />
Now lets see ah yes happy thoughts ...... first you have to regognise them ...... your job<br />
How do you do that ..... stop looking back and start looking forward stop clinging to wreckage of the past and start to build a new ........MTBL<br />
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:O)