Lack Of Faith, Not HopeAt one time in my life I would have loved to have been held and told everything was going to be alright. Problem is, no one ever did anything close to that. I've always had to look inside for motivation or try to out perform the achievements of others to make things 'okay'.
I don't want to be a curmudgeon, constantly stuck in negative thoughts that don't offer anything worthwhile. I'd like to be a 'realist', but then people who call themselves that tend to be really negative and jaded, far more than I think I am anyway.
I know there is hope for me however, because I make my own hope.
No one ever gave me the love or support your typical person might have gotten in their lives. I'm not whining about not being hugged enough, rather I learned to support myself and have faith in my own ideals in life.
I tend to end up disappointed in others, maybe I set my standards too high?
My point is simply this- I disappoint myself less than anyone else ever has.
I've never been able to rely on anyone else for much, so why not be strong for my own sake?
There is hope because I make my own. The idea of someone holding me and coddling me seems so alien, it's an uncomfortable notion to me.
It would be nice to have someone care enough to be so kind. It would be even nicer if I could allow myself to believe people are generally that sincere and unselfish. I know better, from life experiences. I may end up being wrong now and then with such assumptions, but at least if I get let down, it's my own damned fault.