Im Lonely

im the youngest of 6 children and thins hvnt been normal at home from ever since i can remember ,,i was sexually abused at young age by my brother and then by my cousin..i grew up 2 be a very insecure person,,my 3 sisters always ganged up on me and they still do 2 ds date im 23 now n they still talk ish bout me behind my back n try 2 put me down ..at age 13 my sister started actin out datin several men n partyin everynite disappearin days at a time which gave my brothers permission 2 always pick on us and put us down,,at age 16 my other ssister eloped wd a man that y parents ddnt agree on n she said she wnted nthn 2 do wd us n my other sister got divorced cz her husband accussed her of bein alcoholic.ever since i cod remember its always been trouble at home n my mum would always rat us out 2 my father who used 2 beat my siblings,he died when i turned 18.i was wd him when it happened n smetimes i just feel like im goin breakdown when i remember ..he left us wd lots of debts n problems .at 19 i moved out 2 go 2 college n thats when my life took a whole dfrnt turn..i was young n naive n nvr got ny guidance n no1 in y family seemed 2 care where i lived or if i ate or anythn so i seeked attention from people i meet n that caused me 2 feel more insecure n nt confident like im missin pieces n that im nt good enough..i dated men n they used me to da bone nvr cared or loved me n till ds day i nvr had a genuine hug and i nvr feel safe..i got raped once n i cdnt tell any1 cz it was my friend n he is still my friend till now cz i nvr stick up 4 myself he thnks its ok,,sometimes i dnt care wat happens 2 me cz i feel i deserve it n no1 cares anyway..i get called ***** by my brothers even by the one who sexually abused me at 9 ,,he thinks im a ***** how ironic ...i manage to always appear strong n put on mask that everythn is ok for every1 but inside me everyday is a struggle of emotions and thoughts..i know that there is one person who cares bout me for who i am but he 2 has hurt me and sometimes i feel like he is the one dat is allowed 2 bcz he hsnt hurt me enough yet.
no1curr no1curr
22-25
2 Responses May 10, 2012

Ur in college doing better than a whole lot of people and especially ur family. Make it a point to be better than them for yourself. Don't let anyone bring u down.. Once u start to make goals n start filling them, things will fall into place. The right man, the right friends, etc.. N if not it won't matter cAuse ur still doing u.

Don't allow anyone to hurt you. Stand up for yourself and your rights. You deserve to be treated well, anyone that doesn't shouldn't be in your life. If someone is not doing any good for you, then get rid of them. Only allow people who are caring, positive, respectful and have goals. All those negitive people will not do anything good for you and just will bring you down.<br />
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Value your self, you are worth more, and you deserve better treatment.