Iss Okay Baby

That's what he always told me, every time I'd be in tears because he was late from work.
I lived this horrendous nightmare existence of sheer terror that the man I love would be taken from me for nine years, until the day my worst fear came to fruition.
"Iss okay baby", usually whispered in my ear, slightly frustrated but said with pure love. It'll be okay. Or the other one: "Whatever Jesus wants". God I hated when he said that, and I guess the Sweet Baby Jesus wanted us to be apart after ten years and a beautiful baby girl together.

I miss him so damned much. He was my only comfort in the world, the only one who ever made me feel loved and secure. It's not okay! It ******* sucks and I'm so tired of you telling me this on the phone NOW, after we've been apart a year and a half and I KNOW we'll never be together again, but you STILL say it. It's not okay, baby. It's very much not okay. Nobody holds me like you did. Nobody hugs me but the girls, but you know what I mean. Nobody tells me its okay baby anymore. They just keep asking, "What are you going to do?" I keep telling my girls now, "It's okay baby. It'll be okay." but honestly I have no idea if it will ever be okay again.
DisorderlyCyn DisorderlyCyn
41-45, F
Jan 6, 2013