I Feel Alone

I feel alone in my marriage.  All he talks about is his job.  It's as if he really dosen't have anything to say to me.  I have always tried to sound or appear interested.  Even if I have something I wish to talk about he does not respond just talks over me or starts to talk about whatever he wants.  He's all take and no give.

He even made the comment that he married me because I take good care of him and our home.  He always tell people what I've cooked or how well I take things at home.  he shows me attention other than we go to bed.  Here lately our sex life is about none.  So I feel there is nothing there. 

Oh and did I mention he uses his drinking on me. I stress him out?  He told his mother this and a relative told me this!  When I confronted he on this.  I told him if he has a problem with anything we must talk. Not call his mother. Oh by the way he has always drank. 

closedin closedin
20 Responses Aug 8, 2008

i agree

Dump him and find someone that really cares. He sounds full of himself. There are 3 main ingredients in a relationship, whether it is a friend, neighbour or partner. 1. Effective communication, 2. Respect and 3. Trust. If any of these are missing in your relationship, then you have got problems. <br />
Good luck you deserve to be with someone who respects you.

sounds like a narcissistic personality disorder to me

sounds like a narcissistic personality disorder to me

I love talking to you. You seem alot like I use to be. When someone was hurting or being wronged I did not mix words. I sometimes felt like I butted in unwanted but I never did it to be spiteful to others. It's just that sometimes I am very compassinate. Not a know it all just felt others pain pretty strongly. You can be my life coach or whatever I think I need one!<br />
Oh and feel free to keep me laughing even in the worst of times and if only for a moment a smile or laugh is the best medicine.. not that we don't need to situations seriously but a mental break helps.

if you don't want my opinion or my help, just say so, I don't want to push something on you you don't want. But, I would be more than happy to be your personal marriage counselor/Life coach,lol. If you're feeling alone, just know, now, you're not!!! Feel free to spill your guts, anytime, okay. I have an answer for everything, I'm unbiased, I don't know either of you, which can be a good thing, all I have to go on is what you tell me. And I do not mix words, I will tell you exactly how I feel, and, you do the same.

if you don't want my opinion or my help, just say so, I don't want to push something on you you don't want. But, I would be more than happy to be your personal marriage counselor/Life coach,lol. If you're feeling alone, just know, now, you're not!!! Feel free to spill your guts, anytime, okay. I have an answer for everything, I'm unbiased, I don't know either of you, which can be a good thing, all I have to go on is what you tell me. And I do not mix words, I will tell you exactly how I feel, and, you do the same.

Funny...no orange is not my color! Hehe

Well, good to hear... I'm glad you have a dog at least one being in your house can be counted on to be loyal when times are "ruff", lol, again... I like the frying pan dream too, but, you would go to jail and, probably feel more isolated than you do now, but, look at it this way, at least you would have someone to talk to who would listen! Do you look good in orange,lol?

latisha..you made me crack up! My dog looked at me like"what is wrong with you"! I am going to confess that I have thought long and hard even planned it out. I'd take a skillet from the cabnet and when he was sitting down I would swing it at him! <br />
I would never really do it but when he is being a jerk then it's nice to just check out and think about !<br />
I'm still laughing out loud to your comment. My dog is still staring at me cocking his head from side to side.

Call a cab... If you only go to a hotel for a couple of days in town, oh well, you are away from what is bringing you down. And just maybe when you return you won't need to ask for a hug or a kiss, if, he realizes just how different things would be without you around and, it matters to him, he just may grab you and hug you and kiss you as soon as you walk in the door before he can even think to ask you where you've been. Oh, and don't tell him you're leaving, just go, might be a little unfair, but, hasn't he been unfair? Sometimes *** for tat is allowed. Sounds like he needs a good slap in the face, so do it, Go... Stop being afraid, you deserve more out of this life than to be regarded than no more than a piece of furniture he walks around to keep from bumping into.

latisha..you seem to really understand...I have given up because it wears me out! Maybe not given up just very tired! I like the idea of going somewhere for a few days. If I could only drive that car that sits in my garage I would take off for a few days!<br />
I use to have a life of my own along with my family, husband and friends. I had balance in my life. One day two and a half years ago that all changed.<br />
I really appreciate your words but sometimes I just get tired of asking for what I need. A hug, a kiss or just a good night.

I'll tell you girls what the problem appears to be to me. You are too giving, and, you waited too long to notice you were being ignored, so, they assumed you were fine with the way things were, and, you made it easy for them. They go to work, come home to a homecooked meal, you pretend to be interested in what they have to say all the while forgetting your own needs, and, when you finally feel fed up, and speak up, they are caught off guard by what they assumed was their doting, caring wives having any complaints about what they deemed the perfect setup. Men are stupid, sometimes they don't think anything is wrong until the woman walks out, and, then they profess to not understand what happened. They know if they are spending too much time at work, or if they are too tired for sex, but, if you wait too long to say anything, then they begin to convince themselves it must be ok with you. If something is cracked, and, you don't point it out, then, noone knows it needs fixing. And, if you have pointed it out time and time again with no change, then it's simple, that they are taking you for granted, you've taken it this long, you aren't going anywhere. Stop cooking and cleaning, don't go to bed when they do, start going and doing things with friends, and, see how quick he notices, see how quick "he" points this out. If you are giving and giving, and, getting nothing in return, it's time to turn the tables. Stop giving. Marriage is suppose to 50-50, if yours is not and you know you are doing your part, then the one who is not needs a good jolt to bring him back into reality. They are use to you the way you are and most likely have always been, you start showing some changes, subtle at first, then slowly pull away a little at atime, if he cares he will notice, and then the ball will be in his court to want to fix things. The fact is they probably do brag about how great you are because they know you are, they just don't know how to show you they appreciate you, and, maybe you need to tell them, they aren't mind readers. Like a lot of women do we tend to think things will go away or fix themselves if we just don't bring them up, but, they will not go away. Your marriage cannot be fixed if you are not willing to point out the obvious cracks. It sounds like o me you want what any woman, or, man for that matter wants, you want to feel loved and appreciated, you want someone to put you first for a change, someone who will listen to you and validate you as a human being worthy of nothing less. And by God you deserve nothing less, so, if you are not getting that, do something about it, don't sit around and be anyones doormat. Like the other comment, I fully believe life is too short, especially too short to have to teach someone how to treat you right, if they love you, that just comes naturally, you don't have to ask for it, it just is. You don't want to wake up next to these men in 10 or 20 years and realize you have wasted a lifetime, and, there is no turning back,no do overs, and, regret the decade or two of your life, please don't do that. There is a saying that I love "I can do bad all by myself" I would rather be alone than to be in a relationship with someone who is taking, taking and taking, and giving nothing in return. Is your sanity worth sacrificing, all for things we women look at as important, that make so many stay, your house money etc. I don't think so. If that's all your getting, that's not a marriage, that's free room and board for a homecooked meal and maid service. Don't sell yourselves so cheap, no matter how he has made you feel, you know you deserve better, so, try and make it so if you wish, but, as soon as you see your attempts are all in vain, pack yourself an overnight bag and disappear for a few days, and, see how he reacts, you just may get some answers. I'm on your side, anyones side who is in an unhappy relationship of any kind. I don't understand people who stay too long. When the ship is sinking and you do nothing to save yourself, don't wait until it sinks and then think you have a chance, do something while your head is still above water. "YOU" can do it... Be strong... "YOU" deserve nothing less than what you put in... They are living their lives for them it seems, so, start living your lives for "you". Goodluck girls. Take NO ****... I wish you love, happiness, and, peace of mind, with companionship that's 50/50

intothewoods...this is what I meant in my sliding back and forth on this subject. It is just so painful sometimes it overwhelmes me.<br />
All of what you have stated here really applies to me. Give and take is one of the most important aspects of any relationship. It seems in my relationship I am the only that knows this. <br />
When am I suppose to give up trying? I don't think I can do that! That is why I feel the life is being sucked right out of me when it comes to dealing with this very subject.

I'd hate to say it, but I've found in life that we are really responsible for our own happiness. I often find myself in a very similar situation. Often when I reach out to my lover, i get no response at all, not even a glance in my direction, as if i don't exist, and often When I ask for anything, It's received as if I'm asking the world, she acts as if I drive her crazy, meanwhile happily accepting all I have to offer, and let me tell you I pride myself on little gifts, surprises, small joys and thoughts. I get off on making the people I care about happy, but I also get pissed off when I feel nothing in return. I've noticed that If I find my own hapiness, she starts to realize that's its not coming from her and starts to correct the problem naturally. If I simply depend on her for happiness, then she ignores me and the bed certainly will not be shaking. <br />
<br />
I can't claim to know you or your husband. No person can really know another person inside and out. All I can offer is what i've experienced myself, and that is, if we aren't happy, we need to find a way to become happy on our own. If we are happy, our loved ones will be happy too, even if they don't show it, they will be better for it. The trick is to be honest with ourselves, find what really does it for us and do it. Our lovers will still be there, and from the corners of our eyes, we might even catch them smiling every now and then.<br />
<br />
Don't wait for someone else to make a move before you start living your life the way you want to. Live life honestly, with all your heart, and hold onto your dreams. Let others follow, if they choose.

Yes it seems that way. If nothing else it helps to share with someone who has had to deal with the situation. I feel like I am trying to break through a brick wall when it comes to this subject. I wish It just didn't matter to me as much.<br />
Sometime's it feels like a slap in the face!

I sometimes think mine likes to hear himself talk more than anything else.<br />
He gets all flustered when you call him out on anything and believe me I've tried to be very careful when I do this but It's hard to just keep taking it.<br />
It makes me feel worthless and unworthy.

Tiny...I'm always at home. I was injured 2 and half years ago and have not worked since. I have had the same experience you have with the on again off again behavior. As far as you will work it out together. Well my just thinks he had rather talk to friends or his mother.<br />
<br />
However, he brags on me all the time to his friends and mother or family but cuts me down in private and too often in front of others. I just don't get it!<br />
<br />
I have often woundered if he is setting me for if I ever decided to end our marrage then he would come out the good guy? Make any sence?<br />
<br />
I don't want that but it is all very hard to handle expecially in my current condition.

Yes to all the above including the cooking. If he cook's anything it is on the grill which is great but he has to call everyone and tell them all about it as if to I had to cook tonight.<br />
Mine refuses to go for counciling of any nature. As long as he happy patting himself on the back then he dosen't need anyone else.

I feel sorry for you. Why do you stay? Life is too short.