Waiting On Love To Grow Before It's Too LateRecently a friend from my past has resurfaced in my life. At first we found each other on facebook and twitter. Then we became friendly opponents playing the iPhone game words with friends. We began to take notice to our similar intelligence levels, because we both agreed that we were each others toughest opponents on the game. As we played more and more we began to chat as well. This is when we discovered we shared many of the same interests. It has come to the point where we are playing against each other, pretty much, everyday. I finally built up my courage and asked him to go to a movie with me, because my girlfriends don't like to see sci-fi, action, or basically anything other genre of movies than chick flicks. (Don't get me wrong, I enjoy them too...but I also love to see other movies as well.) We had a great time at the movies. And then a few weeks later he asked me to join him for a movie. Once again we had a great time and enjoyed each others company. As all this new interaction began, so did the flirting in our chats. Then, for New Years Eve I ended up going to his house for a while and the fireworks began to fly. The passion between us was almost to the point of taking us a little to far, and we both decided to turn down the heat. I ended up embraced in his arms for the remainder of my visit, where I felt very happy and comfortable. Finally it was time for me to leave, and I kissed him good-bye and wished him a Happy New Year. I smiled all the way home.
Well, later on today (New Years Day) he sent me a text saying he was concerned about our night. I asked him of his concerns and he proceeded to tell me that he is afraid that it might have been a mistake and he is a little uncomfortable in the situation. He goes on to state that he really likes me, but believed that we were moving to fast and that he did not want to disrespect me in any way. I told him that he did nothing to disrespect me, but I also believed that maybe things were moving a little quicker than I expected them to go. He told me that he doesn't have the greatest track record for his past relationships and that he has even been cold-hearted to most in his past....and that he usually didn't care about these girls' feelings, but with me things are different. He said that he does care about me and that he doesn't want to hurt me by making any mistakes that he may regret, especially because our families have been old friends since our childhood. He believes that a relationship between us can become dangerous if it isn't dealt with correctly, so for now he wants to take things "really slow".
I understand everything that he has told me, but I fear that this could just lead to another "best buddy" kind of relationship. I feel a connection to him that I haven't felt with another in years. We are both in our early 30's and I feel that time is my enemy at the moment. I have such a desire to find someone to love and for them to love me in return. I am so tired of being alone everyday and the feeling that my life may ended up surrounded by loneliness. So now my only choice is to put all my hopes in the idea that "good things come to those who wait." The one good thing of our earlier conversation was at the end he did invite me to go bowling with him and some of his friends, and I took him up on the offer. This was the first time we went out without it being just the two of us, and we had a great time. But, at the end of the night when he walked me to my car he did tell me that he's still worried about our previous night and doesn't want things to become awkward between us. I let him know that I have no regrets and feel no awkwardness in our situation. I hope we can continue to get to know each other better and hopefully our friendship can blossom into something much more meaningful...until then I sit here and wait for love to find it's way into our hearts.
TheIdeaOfMe 31-35, F 1 Response 2 Jan 2, 2011