I Just Keep Falling

My first long term boyfriend was at the age of 16 we were deeply in love but eventually he cheated on me when I was 18 with a married woman. It killed me. Then a year later I moved to Florida and had a deep crush on a guy who I was friends and classmates with in college. We went on a few dates but it never really went anywhere but every so often we would make out and it would just make me fall deeper and deeper for him. I truly think that I was in love with him even though he treated me always as a friend only. Then I met John when I was 22, everything was easy and we just clicked from the start. We went out and had intimacy and amazing sex. He was the first mature relationship I ever had and I still to this day don't know why we just stopped talking. I'm not even sure if I was in love with him even though our relationship was perfect. He was the last relationship I have had and I am now going on 28 and have become desperate to have that intimacy with someone that you can just be with. I have gone on some dates but they never progress past the first date. I'm starting to think there's something wrong with me or that guys are picking up the desperation. But once I have what I need, I won't be that way anymore. I just want to love again, to have that person that you can do anything with or say anything to. A person who gives you those tingles every time you see them and makes you feel safe just by being in their arms. I have this crush who I think could be everything I need but unfortunately I don't think he likes me that way. So the vicious self-torture continues.
lilmisspunkin79 lilmisspunkin79
26-30, F
May 3, 2007