The Perplexities Of Love

I have always been a hopeless romantic.

For a long time, I have tried to discover just what it was that I wanted out of love.
It seems for most people, they just want to find someone with a good sense of humor, someone they can relate to and have fun with.

But that's not me. I want something more.

I want someone who admires me deeply, so deep enough he is able to set me free, and allowing me to grow and gleam for my own. Someone who could understand my self-gratifying wishes, knowing this will pass, believing i could surpass this and hoping I'll outgrow this into maturity.

Perhaps I longed for someone whom i can talk to, about anything in the world in general. A person who could listen to all of my stupidity and just laugh about it. Loving every detail of my imperfections , tolerating, patiently considerate, knowing i am one delicate being…. that I must not be manhandled but be loved and cared instead.

I am tired pretending to be strong for all the make believe the world has to offer; of holding back tears when my eyes can no longer bear ; of not letting go of fantasy when reality is too much. Sometimes life gets so difficult to endure that all you can easily think is to give up. And yet, here we are. Looking for love, for approval, for companionship.

But what does that mean exactly? Let me alone be bothered. My mind is confounded with the perplexity of my heart, you might as well get confused with what i am trying to say. But should you try to decipher, then please hear what i am not saying.

Perhaps I am never satisfied of everything when everything is already given.

When would this end? ahh….the longing….and everything…

How stupid of me...really.

chrisfairy chrisfairy
36-40, F
3 Responses Aug 9, 2010

I beliefe that somewhere we have our equal in this world, our soulmate and it is our destiny to meet him/ her and we recognize that we belong together. When we are united with our beloved, we are living that love expressed .<br />
I really understand you because i have the same thoughts. Someone told me about the Song of Songs, or the Song of Solomon. <br />
The song begins with a kiss. In our holiest tradition that comes from Solomon and Sheba, the word "nashakh", and it means more than simply to kiss; it means to breathe in harmony in a way that combines the spirits of two into one, to share the same breathe, to blend the life forces in a single coming togehter. Through the kiss we are born again. We give birth to each other, through the sharing of love. Two souls come together to merge as one. <br />
It is the prelude to the sacred union of beloveds.<br />
And I belief that you'll find your equal. too, so don't give up and life your live to wait patiently for your own beloved.

You are looking for someone to love you for who you are, not who 'they' want you to want to be loved- deeply- to every part of your very soul and your being. But you want to feel that love in every thing you do!! You want to KNOW that you are loved completely and with no exceptions- that you are the one and only.... and if that is how you want love to be, are you willing to do the same in return? Be careful of that you wish...because it may very well come true...

Hi chrisfairy, I think you are looking for your soul mate. Some who will accept you whole heartedly for the person you are without question, can openly discuss anything with you, without judging you, and love you for who you are and not what you do. Of course this should work both ways. In essence, a perfect relationship without bounds. I am still searching also. Good luck to us both. <br />
<br />
ps. I've added you as a friend, hope you don't mind. ;)