Am I Not Good Enough?A lot of times I question myself: what's wrong with me? What's not to love in me? What's so complicated about me? What's lacking in me? I torture myself into thinking these kinds of questions because people keep saying, "you're beautiful or you're pretty or you're kind" and all, "why don't you have a boyfriend?" Then I tell them, I don't know because I really don't. Am I not good enough for people (guys) nowadays? Is there a certain criteria I have to follow?
I'm not complaining about not having a boyfriend but I also want to experience having someone there to take care of me, knowing that he thinks of me often and misses me at times. Someone whom I'm constantly in love with and who's constantly in love with me. Someone whom I can share my problems, ideas and thoughts with. Someone who can sing for me and whom I can create music with. Or even someone who'll say good night to me in the hope of waking up in the morning knowing that he's still there and will always be there for me. Someone whom I can be myself with, someone who can laugh at my corny jokes or even make corny jokes so I can laugh. Someone whom I can always trust and will always be honest with me. Of course, I also want to be all this for that person. The problem is, no one comes to me and tells me that they like me, or something like that. Maybe because they're intimidated that I'm working already at such a young age (I started working when I was 20 years old).
I'm happy being single but for once I would like to try that so-called "having butterflies in the stomach" kind of feeling when you're around the person you love and who loves you back. Of course, I know that it will not be all good. There may be sad times but that's all part of it.
Do I sound that desperate? I hope not. I just want to find some answers to these questions in my mind. Who wouldn't want to be loved by someone special anyway (I mean except for family and friends of course)?
unappreciated 22-25, F 45 Responses 14 May 8, 2007