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Am I Not Good Enough?

A lot of times I question myself: what's wrong with me? What's not to love in me? What's so complicated about me? What's lacking in me? I torture myself into thinking these kinds of questions because people keep saying, "you're beautiful or you're pretty or you're kind" and all, "why don't you have a boyfriend?" Then I tell them, I don't know because I really don't. Am I not good enough for people (guys) nowadays? Is there a certain criteria I have to follow?
I'm not complaining about not having a boyfriend but I also want to experience having someone there to take care of me, knowing that he thinks of me often and misses me at times. Someone whom I'm constantly in love with and who's constantly in love with me. Someone whom I can share my problems, ideas and thoughts with. Someone who can sing for me and whom I can create music with. Or even someone who'll say good night to me in the hope of waking up in the morning knowing that he's still there and will always be there for me. Someone whom I can be  myself with, someone who can laugh at my corny jokes or even make corny jokes so I can laugh. Someone whom I can always trust and will always be honest with me. Of course, I also want to be all this for that person. The problem is, no one comes to me and tells me that they like me, or something like that. Maybe because they're intimidated that I'm working already at such a young age (I started working when I was 20 years old).
I'm happy being single but for once I would like to try that so-called "having butterflies in the stomach" kind of feeling when you're around the person you love and who loves you back. Of course, I know that it will not be all good. There may be sad times but that's all part of it.
Do I sound that desperate? I hope not. I just want to find some answers to these questions in my mind. Who wouldn't want to be loved by someone special anyway (I mean except for family and friends of course)?
unappreciated unappreciated 22-25, F 46 Responses May 8, 2007

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I'm a single guy, I totally empathize with your situation. In my experience, I have noticed that people respond accordingly to visual stimulation, they like or dislike what they see, someone could have the best heart and soul in the entire planet, however, if they don't look right, i.e overweight or just not considered visually pleasing, then they are considered not worthy of anyone's time let alone love and companionship. People say to me "Yes but that's incredibly shallow" and they are right, but we do live in a very shallow world and that's just how it is. I'm not saying that's everyone, but it is most. I really hope you find someone that sees you as good enough and worthy for the beautiful person you are, you will be doing much better then me!

IMAGINE WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF EVERYONE DECIDED TO RIP OFF THEIR MASKS AND LIVE IN HONESTY.LOVE WOULD FLOW FREE IN THE HIGHWAY.

i feel like i could have written this.

i know how u feel i think that all the time because im a disabled virgin at 26

ok I would like to put out there....stop looking. At 60 I have spent my entire life looking for someone to love me unconditionally. At 31 I thought I had found that person. We had 23 great years(I thought) then he had an affair. We are making it work but now I am right back to that insecure person that wanted to know (and still does) why am I not good enough? Everyone keeps saying he is not good enough he cheated. Well yes he did but I wasn't good enough to make him happy or keep him. I forgot, got comfortable, and let down those walls. Now again I am not good enough. NO matter what people tell me, including my husband who takes full responsibility. I feel not good enough. The problem is in me, not him(or them) . Until we become worth it to ourselves, we will never be worth it. I am fighting myself for that feeling , but at my age I can't get past its too late, and I have failed at life. Please get up and go at life head on FOR YOURSELF. Let someone go along for the ride and enjoy it with you if the chance comes up(and it will) but don't ever forget you are driving and your joy and love of life is what will fullfill you and everyone else. I don't mean be selfish. You have to give in this world. I believe you are put here to serve others, but not to be used or taken for granted. Give to yourself first so you are able to give lovingly and freely to others and love will gravitate to you effortlessly.

Well said.

I am the same. I'm always the homegirl or cool to be around but never good enough to go to the next level. I'm single and put my career first, I cook, clean and make sure I take care if my man but I get we moving to fast and we are better off being friends. All I can say is hold on God has something good in store for you. At least that's what I tell myself. Good luck!!!!

i can understand what that feeling is i used to feel the same but it's totally different now .. its always better to wait for the right person to walk into ur life .. i have been through the same feeling but then someone came into my life he made me feel like he cares for me i got attached and at the end i was told it was ol my mistake and i should be sorry to myself so its better that you allow someone who can stand with you at odd times and someone you can trust .. and live ur life happily without feeling that emptiness ..its better to wait for the right person than to feel shattered .. tc :)

Its not that they dont like you! Its that they dont want to like you! They think that the kindest people can be ride once you get to knw them, so make a friend thats a guy, hang aroung him, once he gets to know the REAL you, take it further :)

I completely understand where you're coming from because I am currently in the exact same situation. A lot of people say having a guy isn't everything but just like you, I've never experienced being honestly loved by one and want to know what it's like. There's so-called admirers and once, been in a "relationship" with someone but it wasn't real. All they saw was my "pretty face" and "nice body". No sweet actions like Valentine cards to show for it, even though people kept telling me I was attractive. I've always wondered if maybe it's because I'm too quiet, but it is who I naturally am. I can't just change that because it's one of the traits that define me. Am hoping that one day there'll be this one special guy who will bother to reach under all the protective layers to get to know me. Because I am tired of being looked at like I have nothing beyond my appearance. It's a really lonely feeling.

yes yes yes~!! same here.. so you are not alone. haha!

:) Yeah, still waiting actually. Prince Charming's probably lost a boot, or got his royal cape caught in the bushes or something like that... whatever it is, I wish you luck in finding him.

Same to you there ^^. All the best ya. XD

I understand how all of you feel and I have been through that stage. I have been married for 5 yrs and unfortunately, I ended up being more lonely than ever. I realize that life is too short to find someone to make oneself happy. The only person who can make you feel complete is yourself and loving somebody is just like a bonus in your life. If that person loves you back, it's a jackpot. If not, then it's a nightmare.

Too sad words from you while you have more people and life to be happy to have.

I know the feeling.
And the two times in my life I ever reached out to try and find somebody, I got shot down. Not that that hurt terribly its just like "Wow. Really?"

I just kind of came to terms with the idea that maybe it's gonna take a bit longer for me to find that someone, or even grow into the someone that I should be, and when it does, it'll be great.

I just know it.

I look at all the people around me and all the crap they deal with in their relationships because they've jumped into them so early and quickly and wonder why they even bother staying in them because all they do is complain and argue.

I know no relationship can be perfect, but it can be better than that. Maybe all it takes is a bit of time? Who knows?

Here is some advice. Start playing video games and get really good at them. You will have a bajillion guys to choose from. For serious. If you're a guy, ignore that and join a band instead.

well im not picky since im disabled but i would love a girl gamer my self

I don't even know if love is possible. <br />
<br />
I hoped for soooo long.<br />
<br />
Now I step back and look hard at myself. <br />
<br />
I'm over 40. I've been been down that road (love) a few times, and been disappointed, hurt, stomped on, tossed away... every unkind word is a brick. <br />
<br />
Every rejection. <br />
<br />
Every "it's not you, it's me." <br />
<br />
Every "I just like you as a friend." <br />
<br />
Every "I care about you, but..."<br />
<br />
Bricks.<br />
<br />
I have a huge stack of them. I'm building a fortress. The walls are high and thick, so no one will ever scratch my raw heart again. <br />
<br />
I'm done.

I feel the same way

Aaah... look at all the lonely people - The Beatles <br />
<br />
(and as a married woman of 26, I am certainly no exception)

Wow it is like you just looked into my eyes(which I know you cannot) and saw all this within me, but you just used your name. I could have not said it any better. Many days and night I ask myself these same questions over and over. I truly feel that my love must not be as good as I think it is. I literally would climb the highest mountain, swim the deepest sea to find that one man.

me too :(

I am the point now where I have just given up. I realize now that there is really no one for me. I tried and tried and I tried. So I have said goodbye to finding that one person for me. I will turn 50 this year and lord I did not want to live another 50 years alone, but this is what it looks like is going to happen.

i'm sorry u feel that way

Never think you aren't good enough. People who think you won't find a guy like that really have the odds against them. Because they are saying that you don't have a 1 in 3 billion chance of finding one guy who believes in the same things you do. But your odds are so much better than that already, because I also want the kind of relationship you want (and I'm still just a 19 year old boy in college, I have my whole life ahead of me). I think you are the perfect kind of girl for me and many other guys out there and they would be extremely lucky to know that you think about them as much as they think about you. There is hope!

I feel the same. Although i may not be very attractive and handsome, I just wish that there is someone who loves me and cares about my existence.

This is all the same as I feel. Every guy that I've ever felt like there could be something with it never works out. Every single guy ive hung out with has only wanted me for one thing. I'm not an unattractive girl either, but it's hard to find a true caring and genuine guy. What makes it even harder is that I'm waiting to have sex til I find that guy, which is hard with all the people my age because everyone does it. Granted I'm only 20 years old, but I've been single for 4 years, and my longest relationship was 3 months. I know I'm young but I'm pretty mature for my age and I'm not sure if that's the problem. I just feel something is wrong with me being as I'm still alone and haven't been close to being in a relationship in so long. Know God is there for me helps a lot, but still is just hard to think that I could be alone the rest of my life seeing how things have been going.. Maybe there will be someone for me in heaven someday..

wow... for a second i thought i wrote this

I feel your pain. I'm in the same place, but we will get through it. Good luck to you.

for some reason i think i should have written this blog. im 23 and i have not found anyone yet. i think i am better of alone for the rest of my life. true im miserable but at least i am not ruining someone else life.

Aw D :
I felt that way for a while. I'm just so odd and out of place with the rest of humanity that I thought I'd be okay with being completely alone. Then I realized...even if I am alone, if I don't find love like that, I still have my friends and family and if I wanted to, I could make my own family.
But don't give up completely. Please don't.
Find your light.

My and my best friend are friends with benefits. I know, someone always gets hurt, and I know that that soemone is me. But I can't help it. I want him, to hold me, kiss me, I'm so happy withhow we are. Sometimes I think one day we will get married. And I am so in love with hi. It's stupid. But I know he doesn't feel the same. I know he wants a REAL relationship, and deffinately not with me. He tell me I'm beautiful, fine the way I am, he never wants me to change and I'm almost perfect (he says almost because nothing is perfect) but every day I thinkto myself, if he thinks all this then why am I not good enough to be in a real relationship with him? Why does he feel embarassed to be nice to me in front of our friends? He's always Been there for me and he tells me he loves me vey much and it feels like a lie. And when I say so he says none of it is a lie. He says he will never leave me and he hasn't, for 5 years he's never left me. But I'm not good enough to be with him. Isn't he happy with how we are?

i dont no if i believe in god anymore, ive prayed n cryed 2 god but never got an answer, im not a bad looking girl (many people said i shud be a model) not dat i wud listen but i was with dis fella for 3 years with 5 kids who is only 30 (im 22) i love him with all my heart but he seems 2 think its alrite 4 us 2 sit in da house 24/7 doin nothin but sit around his friends talkin shite,its not like i was asking much just dat he tried ta get a babysitter once a week so we cud spend time 2gether but he cudnt make dat effort even doh da first time i was otta town he had a babysitter 4 three nites in a row so he cud hang with his friends, ive nottin against his friends but y cudnt he get a babysitter wen i was der! i did everything 4 him, cooked, cleaned, looked after his kids, gave him sex wenever he wanted but i still felt like i wasnt good enough, never mind my past relationships wher all my guys cheated on me, i no id be a good girlfriend n wife, so i asked god y im bein punished 4? wot did i ever do wrong, i asked him so many times 2 help me trew da pain i was goin trew but it seems like he just leads me in2 more pain n doesnt seem 2 care how i feel or how much it hurts 2 leave another failed relationship behind, i feel like im wasted my time in relationships cuz u always get hurt in da end but yet girls who sleep wit everythin n anythin always seems 2 get da fellas who spoile dem n treat dem like princesses while me bein a gud girl gets da biggerst dirtbags ever...............

i dont no if i believe in god anymore, ive prayed n cryed 2 god but never got an answer, im not a bad looking girl (many people said i shud be a model) not dat i wud listen but i was with dis fella for 3 years with 5 kids who is only 30 (im 22) i love him with all my heart but he seems 2 think its alrite 4 us 2 sit in da house 24/7 doin nothin but sit around his friends talkin shite,its not like i was asking much just dat he tried ta get a babysitter once a week so we cud spend time 2gether but he cudnt make dat effort even doh da first time i was otta town he had a babysitter 4 three nites in a row so he cud hang with his friends, ive nottin against his friends but y cudnt he get a babysitter wen i was der! i did everything 4 him, cooked, cleaned, looked after his kids, gave him sex wenever he wanted but i still felt like i wasnt good enough, never mind my past relationships wher all my guys cheated on me, i no id be a good girlfriend n wife, so i asked god y im bein punished 4? wot did i ever do wrong, i asked him so many times 2 help me trew da pain i was goin trew but it seems like he just leads me in2 more pain n doesnt seem 2 care how i feel or how much it hurts 2 leave another failed relationship behind, i feel like im wasted my time in relationships cuz u always get hurt in da end but yet girls who sleep wit everythin n anythin always seems 2 get da fellas who spoile dem n treat dem like princesses while me bein a gud girl gets da biggerst dirtbags ever...............

wow u totally described how i feel! Hope u find that someone!

HunnehCat (and everybody),<br />
<br />
You just gave out the exact remedy to overcome those feelings. At some point, not long ago, I also felt negative like that and I even shared my feelings here. And you know what? And this is for everybody, I decided to take matters into my own hands and did exactly what you just said. I prayed like never before and read books like The Alchemist (highly recommended). Also, somehow I trained myself to push away from my mind all those thoughts that caused me pain, and that is key right there. If you can achieve that, trust me, it goes a long way benefiting you. I also sought the companionship of my closest friends, took a dance class, and even joined a dating site! I'm now starting to date a great guy, in a few days I'll be adopting a new puppy and best of all, I feel like never before. I feel like new. Something happened during that journey of recovery that transformed me. I have been known for being negative, but what I gained from this process is unique. For the first time in my life, I feel happy. I know this is not something that occurs overnight, and those precious human beings out there that still are in that dark place may not be feeling very motivated by what Im saying (Ive been there, I know), but you must take all the positive advice you can get from everybody and that painful path you're in will become shorter and a thing of the past sooner than you think. Take care of yourselves, keep yourselves busy, pray, believe in and ask God for guidance (He will listen I promise!), do things you've never done before, join that dating site! :-) ....I can keep going on and on. I am living this right now. And trust me, feeling "new", happy, transformed, are the best feelings in the world and I dont want them to ever go away! You, too, can do it! You just need to be strong and trust yourselves! God bless all of you!

HunnehCat (and everybody),<br />
<br />
You just gave out the exact remedy to overcome those feelings. At some point, not long ago, I also felt negative like that and I even shared my feelings here. And you know what? And this is for everybody, I decided to take matters into my own hands and did exactly what you just said. I prayed like never before and read books like The Alchemist (highly recommended). Also, somehow I trained myself to push away from my mind all those thoughts that caused me pain, and that is key right there. If you can achieve that, trust me, it goes a long way benefiting you. I also sought the companionship of my closest friends, took a dance class, and even joined a dating site! I'm now starting to date a great guy, in a few days I'll be adopting a new puppy and best of all, I feel like never before. I feel like new. Something happened during that journey of recovery that transformed me. I have been known for being negative, but what I gained from this process is unique. For the first time in my life, I feel happy. I know this is not something that occurs overnight, and those precious human beings out there that still are in that dark place may not be feeling very motivated by what Im saying (Ive been there, I know), but you must take all the positive advice you can get from everybody and that painful path you're in will become shorter and a thing of the past sooner than you think. Take care of yourselves, keep yourselves busy, pray, believe in and ask God for guidance (He will listen I promise!), do things you've never done before, join that dating site! :-) ....I can keep going on and on. I am living this right now. And trust me, feeling "new", happy, transformed, are the best feelings in the world and I dont want them to ever go away! You, too, can do it! You just need to be strong and trust yourselves! God bless all of you!

i have faced such situations throughout my life!! i don't know what is wrong with me!! i love her but she says we are just friends and behaves accordingly ! i don't know whether i'll ever get her but i love her, i love her like mad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Reading this post was like reading my life's story. I'm 31 and stil don't know what it is like for a man to say "I Love You" to me. I've had "relationships" in the past but none of them lasted longer than 3 months. I feel empty in the inside. So many heartbreaks in my life have weaken me to the point that I do everything in my power to not meet anyone, only to avoid pain. But at the same time, I'm dying to be loved. To have a special someone who loves me, who cares about me, who would choose ME over other women instead of the other way around. My heart literally hurts. I believe in God but I must admit, I sometimes have conflicting feelings toward him. Sometimes I trust him and have faith but other times, when the pain is too great, I feel abandoned. I say all this also because besides lacking love in my life, I recently made a wrong move with someone and ended up pregnant. That baby became the joy of my life even though I never got to meet him. His own dad killed him before he was even born. So, that's another huge reason why I feel abandoned. Because I've been denied love all my life, and now also, the chance of becoming a mother. I feel so destroyed and so sad all the time. A few months ago I met a great guy at work and I took the chance of letting him in. And it all happened again. He decided to get back with his ex. I don't know what to do anymore. I pray every night, I thank God for all his blessings, I go to church every Sunday. In other words, I reach out to him, and still I feel like he doesn't listen sometimes. I'm new in the city I live at and have only one friend that I see once or twice a month, and no family at all. How can I be optimistic and not feel sad and lonely? I'm truly desperate for a change in this life.