Am I Not Good Enough?

A lot of times I question myself: what's wrong with me? What's not to love in me? What's so complicated about me? What's lacking in me? I torture myself into thinking these kinds of questions because people keep saying, "you're beautiful or you're pretty or you're kind" and all, "why don't you have a boyfriend?" Then I tell them, I don't know because I really don't. Am I not good enough for people (guys) nowadays? Is there a certain criteria I have to follow?
I'm not complaining about not having a boyfriend but I also want to experience having someone there to take care of me, knowing that he thinks of me often and misses me at times. Someone whom I'm constantly in love with and who's constantly in love with me. Someone whom I can share my problems, ideas and thoughts with. Someone who can sing for me and whom I can create music with. Or even someone who'll say good night to me in the hope of waking up in the morning knowing that he's still there and will always be there for me. Someone whom I can be  myself with, someone who can laugh at my corny jokes or even make corny jokes so I can laugh. Someone whom I can always trust and will always be honest with me. Of course, I also want to be all this for that person. The problem is, no one comes to me and tells me that they like me, or something like that. Maybe because they're intimidated that I'm working already at such a young age (I started working when I was 20 years old).
I'm happy being single but for once I would like to try that so-called "having butterflies in the stomach" kind of feeling when you're around the person you love and who loves you back. Of course, I know that it will not be all good. There may be sad times but that's all part of it.
Do I sound that desperate? I hope not. I just want to find some answers to these questions in my mind. Who wouldn't want to be loved by someone special anyway (I mean except for family and friends of course)?
unappreciated unappreciated
22-25, F
46 Responses May 8, 2007

its the same here sweetheart...............except I am a guy...............once in my life I was in love and I was loved but that day is long gone......I just only f****ing 27 years.......after the breakup with my love.....I completely got lost and I couldnt think of anything except her.....till now I am like hurts a lot when I c peoples being loved and taken care of.......I dont know if its fate or just me!!!!!!

Trust could be absolutely perfect and you still wouldn't be 'good enough' for some guy...coz most of them are jerks. Not all of them...but a large percentage. <br />
I am 24, at the top of my career as a dressage own house, car...nice lush life... independant and successful..... but I was recently DUMPED because of it. Because apparently 'having money' makes me selfish, and a snob. Dont just settle for any old *******... Wait until you find the right guy. Being on your own is way better than being with some dumbass who is terrified of being with a girl who is more successful than him and his ****** band. <br />
Rant over :)<br />
M x (read my blog for more details)

I've gone through this feeling of not being wanted since I was very young. No guy I ever have liked has like me back. There haven't been many but each one has hurt me very badly. I've taken all the advice there is to take and nothing has worked. I'm 23 and I've only been approached by two young men in my entire life. Both of them were after what made them feel good and in the end, they didn't want me at all. They just wanted what I was good for to them. I feel like God doesn't care about me or about how much pain I've been in for the last ten years. And just like JustARandomGuy posted, don't play me the God card. He created me to feel and have these desires and He's sitting back watching me suffer. I've never been good enough for anyone. I feel like I've wilted away. I met a very nice young man three years ago and I fell in love with him. We never dated. He told me he just didn't want that with me. But he always treated me so special that I just knew that one day he'd realize how great I was but he never did. He found someone else. I feel like she's my double. And I've been left with all kinds of questions. Why wasn't I good enough? What did you see in me that was such a dealbreaker for you that you didn't even want to give me a chance? I've told myself also that if I have to live with this much longer, I'll kill myself too. It just hurts to much to not be wanted or loved, desired or cherished by any guy in my life.

Change the topic. ask for what you can give instead of what you seek for.

That post was awesome, I feel the same way. I was married once very young and now my husband is dead. It was not a good marriage but I miss coming home and having someone to talk too. I miss having someone just to spend time with and someone that will love me for who I am not what they want me to be. <br />
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It is frustrating when I know that I"m doing everything to be a good person, honest person, healthy person and a person who looks deep down inside and tries to improve. I want to get married again. I pray, I wait but still....what is wrong with me.

hi!<br />
i just wanted to state that i pretty much feel the same as you. i am an all time happy guy, who never was sad despite bad things sometimes happen. i don't know if i am making myself understood, what i mean is, even when things go wrong, i was allways happy, i just thought i was an optimistic guy. <br />
A year ago love knocked on my door, and i embraced it, i was at an all time high of happiness, nothing could make me sad... absolutely nothing, we were really in love... but suddenly it happend "well, i just don't feel the same" she said, and never again was i the same...<br />
7 month have passed, and i havent felt like i used to before i got into this love thing... she is already with another guy, i am her best friend. im not complaining or anything... im just sad... in the past seven years, i had a 3 month relationship... i just feel unloved.... and thats the only thing that brings me down... its the worst feeling possible and i don't see it getting better. in the mean time i started to like to be around this other girl i met, but when i thought things were going ok, and i thought she might like me, she said "oh no, i just like you as a good friend, but please, don't go away from me, your the kind of guy i would like to be present in my life"<br />
so, that pretty much ended with all my expectations...not a single girl wants to be with me...<br />
i just feel abandoned.<br />
oh and dont come with the God card. i dont need that kind of love... i want someone to hug me, and to hug back, someone i can be with and talk to and be talked back... i want to love someone and be loved back...

thanks to everyone who had had time to read and comment on my story,. I'd like to let you all know that I have found that love I have always been longing for... the love of GOD,. I have found joy in Jesus and I am continually being active in my ministry,. I really am thankful that Jesus dies for me... for us,. I'm really happy that I have come to know Him better, before it's too late,. :D thanks guys! you really made me feel happy just by commenting on my story and leaving pieces of advice,. :D thanks to God, I now feel loved,. I no longer feel abandoned,. God bless you all! xoxo

U are too young ,U sud nt giveup hope!!! But sometimes it happens with mature people like me.I feel the same ,though in a little different way,coz me being married and having kids is different ,but whom I love so much never feel the same way ,while others says so many compliments to my beauty ,and my pleasant personality,but unfortunately ,not appreciated by my man!!!!!!It hurts like hell...dont understand yet the reason of that!!!!!

Killing yourself is never an answer. So many of us feel this way and we have to do things to make ourselves look and feel better for ourselves. I too feel this at times. Sometimes more then others. And it's hard to reassure yourself especially when you think your lying to yourself. Self pep talk is better then anything anyone can ever give us. And self appreciation. It's a long road that, but we can only do for ourselves.

I agree. Look at it this way. If you do believe in life after this life, how do you know if you kill yourself the pain will be gone in the afterlife? If the soul lives on, and can still feel love, it can still feel pain too. But then you'd have the regret of not being able to return to living to do something about the pain (e.g. persevering until you get to where life is what you wanted--and that is possible, part of that is finding and following your dreams). Suicide is never an answer, no matter what you believe. I am speaking from experience as I did something between attempting and "cutting" (without cutting) behavior in the past, and I came to the above realization, and am healthier and strong in who I am. questionable.If hes almighty then why would he hesitate to ease our pain?He can alter reality......but second guesses himself on mercy.Regardless of god.....i am not loved....i guess im just not good enough.Ive tried killing myself.Ive had enough.

I have "somebody" but it's all about her and she's never happy with what I do. We use to have a slow and ok sexual life and then she suddenly stopped. And it's ok that we don't do anything but I have to feel important and like a "man". The way she makes me feel is like if we break up I'll never have anybody interested in me because I'm not good looking enough to attract anybody. All of my family has either died or purposely abandoned me except my mother, and so I have a feeling of unwanted all the time. My girlfriend doesn't seem to care because we've fought over how I'm made to feel by her. She doesn't care that I feel highly unattractive and unloved. Because she treats me poorly and she wants everything about her I'm forced to feel unloved. She's always wanting to leave me because i don't make her happy when nothing short of everything about her makes her happy. And when I bring up that I feel unwanted she gets upset and wants to leave or; she makes me feel good for somewhere between a weekend to a week. When that time period is over it's back to all about her. I don't want a sexual relationship I just want to be physically wanted and know I am. But at this this point I'm pretty sure that I won't ever have anybody that loves me for me because she always wants to leave and I don't feel like anybody will want me after her. I'm growing to accept the fact that I'll most likely live and die alone most my life. So if anybody has any advise please help. The only reason I stay with this girl is cause this is all the love I can get and at least it's something right? So please help, thanks.

I feel that way too. I think a lot of people do. It's so hard because that's what I want most in life...what you're describing. I know it's not something that just happens every day but I want it bad! Not having it hurts. I had a girl I felt that way about...but she didn't seem to feel the same exactly. We weren't a team like we were supposed to be. She didn't seem to grasp the idea of working together to better one another. She just thought of me as this special guy she was dating. Maybe I'm too heavy handed as a lover...but I just want to share the beautiful parts of life with someone else...and it just seems like I can't.

contraversy...<br />
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you are so right! I mean, I should not be too hard up on myself because I know that God is always by my side,., He's always there watching over me and I know that He will never leave me,.,<br />
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well, this sharing was a long time ago,., I guess at that time I was too caught up with the pain, not realizing the good things happening around me,., But now I'm okay, I 'd very much single and I am loving it,., I am waiting but I'm not stressing on it,., I know that God is still writing the best love story of my life,., I know He's not yet done,.,<br />
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Thanks though...

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Wow...First I start an account just to answer/comment this story...and...well...She will never know the answer unless someone wo's been there and now knows...tells her.<br />
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OK..young..attractive...perplexed it goes...."the kind of guy the authoress wants...aptly as she described him....IS GOD HIMSELF... HE ASKED THE SAME QUESTION WHILE HE WATCHED HER LABOUR OVER THIS STORY ....HE WATCHED WITH A LONGING SPIRIT IN THE UNSEEN REALM.<br />
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Contraversy..July 08-08

I guess as they say "If you are looking for it, you will find it" is true, it's the law of attraction.

i couldn't have said it better myself. i truly, truly feel the same way. right now i'm going through this issue with my ex... where he says i'm perfect for him... (but he left me)... and that he's just scared it's not going to work. i've never understood that. but you know what? i also know that if you keep loving yourself, i mean, truly appreciating you for you (and for example, the way you presented this experience was so eloquent...), the "right" person will come along. it'll be great. i like to think of it as, it's just not the time, you know? but it will happen. it has to. :)

My ex said the same of me basically. I think it just means they're not invested, and we deserve someone who can invest in us and in a relationship. The hardest part is realizing there IS someone like that out there, as you said. I think our greatest gift is our ability to love, and we are always loved (even if not in a relationship), by family, friends, God (if you believe in God), etc. I agree that loving ourselves is one of the most powerful things we can do for ourselves.