Wasting My 20s?

In a few months it will be 5 years since I had a boyfriend or any kind of relationship. I am 27. A lot has happened in those 5 years, like grieving over my mothers death and trying to cope with that, not having any energy to start a relationship. Even though i never really met anyone i was attracted to, and if i did lacked the self esteem and didnt think they would be interested in me. And scared I carried too much emotional baggage that not many people would want to deal with. I am lonely, I have suffered and struggled through the hardest time of my life where I needed someone so bad, needed a simple hug, to be held in the arms of a guy who loved me. I feel cheated? When will it be my turn? I dont want it to be 5 years I dont want to be still single and hating it at 30, im just terrified that it might happen.. and i do feel like im wasting these years where i should be dating and in a relationship you know.. I have a body ive cared for and looked after yet no one gets to see it, appreciate it.
I just wish things were different, that i was different, that my personality was bigger and brighter and people swarmed to me like extroverted girls seem to get

I hope next year is better, but i always say that.
J1206 J1206
26-30
Dec 2, 2012