No I Want Someone Handsome

If anything i would say my whole insecurity thing started around 8th grade. Everyone started to go out and i was the fat kid and i didnt have a girlfriend. 9th grade came around and i started to go out with this girl, she had been my friend since 5th grade and we started going out. I broke it off because of my insecurity. During that time i heard why would you go out with him "he's so ugly." One time this girl told me straight up in my face, "why would anyone go out or kiss you, i mean look at you" A girl once asked my friend to hook him up with a guy and he said me, and she said no i want someone handsome. It's words like these that hurt me and they make me feel so insecure about myself. My self esteem? shot through the floor. I don't really go for girls because i feel like i will get rejected. Whenever i see a girl i like, i say that i can't get her. I feel ugly and unattractive. My mom say's that I'm not ugly, but then again she's my mom. She's supposed to help me feel better. I figured out that i can't move on because i don't think i can get another girl.
deleted deleted
26-30
3 Responses Jan 18, 2013

You're perfect the way you are don't let anyone tell you your not :)

your welcome :) one day all the people that treat you badly will be the ugly ones inside and out and youll be the oppisite.

You too :)

School can be really difficult place. You can't be yourself and you're forced to sit side by side with people you might not even like for years and years and years. Maybe college will let you spread your wings. (It did that for me.) It may be helpful to find a hobby, do something you love, and try to, if not forget, but at least put aside thoughts of romance for a little while (however hard that can be at our age!) Do something nice for yourself. Evolve, move forward, explore the world - it has so much to give. As the Buddhists say - you are already perfect. Don't give up, don't pay attention to what other people think of you. (I finally am learning that after 12 years of school and college - that is the ultimate freedom.) The world keeps turning and life moves forward and as you focus on other aspects of your life, that special someone might turn up, in an unexpected moment. The hardest thing is to have the patience and the self-discipline to do good for yourself and focus on other things meanwhile...

“Dear Human: You’ve got it all wrong. You didn’t come here to master unconditional love. That is where you came from and where you’ll return. You came here to learn personal love. Universal love. Messy love. Sweaty love. Crazy love. Broken love. Whole love. Infused with divinity. Lived through the grace of stumbling. Demonstrated through the beauty of… messing up. Often. You didn’t come here to be perfect. You already are. You came here to be gorgeously human. Flawed and fabulous. And then to rise again into remembering. But unconditional love? Stop telling that story. Love, in truth, doesn’t need ANY other adjectives. It doesn’t require modifiers. It doesn’t require the condition of perfection. It only asks that you show up. And do your best. That you stay present and feel fully. That you shine and fly and laugh and cry and hurt and heal and fall and get back up and play and work and live and die as YOU. It’s enough. It’s Plenty.”

Issues of self esteem are so tough. They would stick with us forever, as long as we let them. And that's the trick. Shake those feelings! I know it's not easy but it's necessary. We are all worthy of true and honest love and there is someone out there for each and every one of us. I believe that in my heart, I hope you will too.