Thinking Out Loud About My Boyfriend Issueswarning: theres going to be a lot of rambling in this story but i dont care because im sad and i want to vent and write this story like i were writing in a diary yet also let people share their opinions on this story
I dont know if things are going to work out between my boyfriend and i but if the right thing to do is to end things im too afraid to.... also i have to admit i really dont have much else to do here while im in school other than seeing/ talking to my boyfriend....
i cant stop thinking about how things have been lately, and facing the awful truth about what the future holds as well. whenever school starts my boyfriend and i dont get to see each other much. when we dont see each other i will try and talk to him through facebook messenger but its like talking to a wall... he still reads my messages, he just never replies. i never know whats going on in his life anymore because he never tells me. this is because he is a film student too, he gets home too late from his classes to be able to hang out on weekdays and during the weekends he has to film or edit something for school. thats about all i ever know is going on in his life, if theres anything else ill never know about it.
im also in my very last semester of college, and i decided to move back in with my parents and finish paying off my student loan before i start living on my own again. my boyfriend still has two more years of his program left, next year he is going to have to do his internship as part of his program as well. im worried that will cause him to become even busier if thats possible. during the summer its also hard to see each other, because thats when we move to different cities rather than living in the same one during the school year. he has also decided to continue living in the city where his school is, and it takes about an hour driving between my hometown and where he is but neither of us are able to drive... public transportation is pretty much out of the question too.
i get really jealous when he hangs out with his friends too. all his close friends are in his program so its really easy to see them, but i get so jealous when i find pictures of all of them going out to the bar and have fun after filming. this weekend he is also hanging out with his brother, but he just saw him two weeks ago and its been a lot longer than that since hes seen me.
i just feel so neglected because it feels like he doesnt have time for me at all. and it makes me feel depressed because i then start feeling like im ALWAYS the one that loves more than is being loved. i want him to ask me to hang out and plan when to hang out, i want him to tell me he misses me and i want to hear that he loves me. im wondering if maybe my needs arent fit for his lifestyle since he is so busy all the time with school... but then i wonder what would things be like after hes done school? maybe school is the only thing that is standing in the way of our relationship. i dont know whether or not to wait through it to see if things get better or if i should try and find someone that is not so busy so that he will be able to have time for me.
i think thats all i have to say for now... i think i have everything off my chest, but ill probably write a similar story tomorrow or something because ive been feeling so sad and stressed thinking about whether or not i've reached the end in my relationship. anyways have a good night everyone!