Finally, After Years Of Being Alone, I Am Ready For A Relationship, But... Have I Waited Too Long?

I have always been head strong and independent. I have been married and suffered much abuse and a broken heart many times in my life.

I put the walls up around my heart and after MANY poor choices and bad relationships, I closed off.

I am very loving and giving but I stopped being that way because I got tired of being taken for granted and being taken advantage of.

12 years ago, I was in an accident and it messed me up. I have severe hearing loss, bad memory loss, neck and jaw problems and some brain damage. (mostly my memory and ability to multi-task is affected)

This year, I decided that I would like to find a man that I could share my life with but I have been afraid to even start looking because I really hate dating, all the BS and facades and not knowing what is true and what is not, and... I fear rejection. (you poor men get that all the time!)

I am 51. I have defects and flaws.... I mean, I can't work, I do not sleep well and toss and turn and can't really sleep WITH someone and it has been so long and I remember having a few boyfriends who were really "clingy"... I can't stand that! Oh, and I have quite a past. (no bank robberies or murders, not even a criminal record, but still...) I am mellow and laid back now, almost like night and day comapred to my younger days.

Is it a bad thing if I want someone to love and accept me AS I AM and someone who is comfortable being alone enough that they are not "clingy" or needy?

I have A LOT to offer as much as I have what I call "defects". I am clean, I am not easily offended, and I have been told that I think more like a guy than a girl. I understand men more than most women do. I am open minded, non jealous, not jugemental, accepting of people as they are, very easy to get  along with, not moody, witty as hell, down to earth, open, honest and I make a great traveling companion. I have been told that I see things through the eyes of a child in a lot of ways and I am filled with wonder and amazement at the beauty of earth and the ocean and the sunset and the moon and I could go on and on. I just need to find someone that I TRUST and not feel that insecure feeling that he is lying to me and might dump me.... I mean I am not all that insecure, but all my life I have never had my own home and I have moved from place to place and worked job after job and there has just never been stability. All I want is to feel truly secure and loved. Am I too old and defective to have that?

Where on earth do I find a man who would be able to accept me as I am?

What do you think? Is it too late?

Cheyenna Cheyenna
51-55, F
2 Responses Mar 16, 2010

You made some very valid points. Thank you for the advice!<br />
I guess I just don't want to look, I mean I am not into going out much, I am not much of a drinker or partier. I do not go to church or the laudromat, so out here where I am, thaqt leaves very little ways to meet anyone. I am sure that fate has a way of working things out though.<br />
:)

As long as you're still looking for someone, it's never too late. Keep searching, and someone will show up :)<br />
<br />
Diesel