My Life Wher Do I Start.

Well i guess some would say that my life was turned upside down at the age of 2 when my mother died suddenly but that has never been a problem for me.I could nt remember her and i went on to have  a very loving up bringing with my grandparents and father.At the age of 12 my grandfather died and not long after my grandmother suffered a stroke so age the age of 13 i was suddenly the one in charge of everything,cooking cleaning etc.My father was never much help and i just got on with it.It was hard even then i felt i had no life.At 15 i guess you could say i fell in love at this point my father had moved out and in with the devil.He became an alcoholic and from that point we never really had much to do with each other.Life was a struggle i was a 24 hour a day career for my grandmother but the boy i fell in love with was still there and is still here today.When i was 20 she died and even though i was sad i felt it was time to have my life.Things moved fast from then i got married,bought our first house and by 21 had our first child.Life seemed perfect.A year later we had our second child and decided that was all we were going have but that was'nt to be and 2 year down the line just when i think things are great we are getting back on track i find out im havin twins.I will be honest i did,nt want them all i could think was my life was on hold again what about what i want to do with life.I came round by thinking to myself that in 4 years they will be at school and then you can be yourself again go back to collage do what i want for me.Well that didnt happen last june i just hit a wall and decided that was it if i could,nt have a life i did,nt want the one i had so i would end it.After what i can only describe as the worst possible day of my life,I got in the car when my husband came in and drove for miles i pulled up 4 hours later sumwhere i had always gone as a child and decided that was it, my sorry life was ova and i was going to take overdose.I dont know what stopped me doing it.But what ever it is still stops me to this day.It is probably the thought of the kids knowing id killed myself and i would hate them to think i had it because of them.No one else would give a damm i dont get any help of anyone and my husband does,nt pull his weight.Every day is a struggle and every nite i go to bed and prey to god that i won't wake up.I can't say that i will never do it because that thought is always there.

jaythom jaythom
26-30
3 Responses Mar 10, 2009

You can live on campus with your family and apply for grant or student loans to college. Go to a college near you and talk to a counselor about financial aid and student housing. It won't cost anything to find out. That will open so many doors for you. Also they have advisors for chosen majors once you decide and daycare.

You can live on campus with your family and apply for grant or student loans to college. Go to a college near you and talk to a counselor about financial aid and student housing. It won't cost anything to find out. That will open so many doors for you. Also they have advisors for chosen majors once you decide and daycare.

I'm no sure what to say petal..you've had a rough run..I'm sure you have a wee angel lookin out for you.<br />
Everyone has moments like this in their lives..a few years ago I had a rough time and a friend suggested I go see a naturopath, I wa at a stage where I was willing to try anything so I went..It was amazing I haven'y looked back since!!<br />
She was fantastic she spoke to my soul and I still find it hard to explain exactly what she did to me but I strongly recommend you try it I'm a happier healthier person for it.<br />
I hope things start to look up for you soon xx