I Don't Even Know Me, Anymore

I used to organize my time pretty good (mentally). I had room for lots of improvement, but I got up and got some things done. Didn't whine and cry to myself about it, neither.

Now, I don't want to do anything. I wonder if I'd even bother to get out of bed and get dressed if I didn't have to work? What a pitiful way to feel. But I certainly have not felt motivated in a very long time. I don't like what I've become. I hate it so terribly bad that I can't make myself. (Like I used to).

"So, get off your a$$ and do something about it." Just get up and "Do It". I know, I've said it myself before. But there's This ton of lead in the seat of my pants. I see no reason in the point of anything during this particular time in my life.

I think that it's probably my depression at it's worst. The last time i pretty much lived in bed except to go to work. If I slide down much more than I am now, I'll break down and try to see the Dr. about it.

I used to get up between four and five Monday through Suturday and work out for 30 minutes to an hour. Then I'd do a few chores if I didn't have to go to work. After that if I had business to take care of I'd do that, or most of it. Some days I'd procrastinate. Anyway, I felt so much better and happier back then.

I keep thinking: and this too, will come to pass. I keep telling myself that about just about everything these days.