I Think I Need to Be Left Alone

how do i keep this short? il try my best

i recently ended a 10 year relationship, one id been in since i was 17, i put this relationship before my health, my education, my friends etc, then one glorious day i discovered i had an STD, and i hadnt been doing anything i shouldnt have.

i was an idiot to believe that he felt the same for me that i did for him, worst thing was it took me a long time to feel that way, my first love had died when i was 15 and i swore i never wanted to feel so alone again, but here i am, except its worse this time because ive been betrayed.

its been 6 months, for the first three i went on a bender, drink, drugs, casual sex, i just wanted to stop my head spinning, in honesty it worked for me, but i knew it would have to come to an end before it caused a problem. the last three ive cried almost every day, ive become distant, i live in a fantasy land in my head as i cant connect with the real world

i know that in time these feelings will come to an end, hey ive been there and done it all before, i never want to feel like it again though, and i know i wont if i dont let it, im good at cutting off emotion, i think its best if i make me my primary focus, and anyone who has a chance of getting in the way needs to be got rid of

this means i will probably be alone, with fleeting friends and relationships, but surely it has to be better than slowly being twisted up by people who are only out for what they can get.

look out for number one

babypheonix babypheonix
26-30
Jul 27, 2008