How Come I Can't Be Myself-what If I Don't Want To~?

I have so much to offer to the world-but first i must overcome these chains that are holding me back and subjecting me to the harsh memories of my childhood where i was abused phyisically and emotionally.

Not fair- i say-but then, the world is'nt fair says the other me.

 

H0w can i be myself..again>? I don't know how to be myself AGAIN. I feel  SCARED at the thought of being myself.

I suffer from Derealization and Depersonaization disorder(Symptoms  of SEVERE anxiety) ps anxiety being caused by excessive fear.

If you have read my life stories here on EP-then you will understand why i have so many fears so please do try out my stories-The appeal being that they are REAL stories.

I just wanted to post this because i suppose this is a question to myself,they say it helps to write (or type) things downs as it helps to bring your thoughts in focus and get some clarity on them.

So that's it, my question-Should i allow myself to be myself? 

Why

and 

H0w?

 

When the memories of the past just eat away at me.

and when i finally agree that i will change, then i get throttled with chains.

Chains that hold me back.

Chains that say"wHAT IF"

When i think an=bout my dad i start crying, at what he did to me..being that he hit me and stuff when i really loved him and left my mum for him and travelled thousands of miles away from her :(

I'm only 18, i feel like i have so much to offer to the world-a humanitarian but also an entertainer or atleast somebody who loves to put smiles on peoples faces.

I am intelligent,understanding,philosophical and caring,so why can't i allow myself to show these qualities?

Maybe because i was always told to shut up........

 

I dont feel life typing anymore, i feel uncomfortable

xploramujjy xploramujjy
18-21, F
Mar 4, 2010