Normal Starts Early.

Normal family. Since I can remember, I was always surprised when visiting my friends' homes. They were so different.  They had to come back home and do their homework at 6 o'clock. They had to go back home at 2 to eat. They were scared that their parents will scold them when they got bad grades. They had to ask their parents if they wanted to go somewhere.
I never had to do anything. My home wasn't home. First of all, there were no parents. There was only mom, but even she wasn't nor she is not a real one. All she could do was spending money she didn't even have. Making debts increase. Surprised when her daughter asked her to go for parent's evening. I didn't have to study at all. I was allowed to repeat the same grade twice as it's less problematic. Of course I had enough common sense to avoid it. Anyway, my father who once came to my school, asked me if I'm a good student. I wanted him to be proud so I decided to try studying harder. But failed. I needed and I still need a leash. I know what's leash. I know I can only complain, there were periods when teachers had to make me do something and I could only complain. But it was actually the best that could happen. Once the leash disappeared, I've gone wild. Now, I have to overcome my fears to get the leash back. I need to get back to school. I need to be more mature. I can't be that wild child anymore. It's gonna be tough. People are so scary and they judge so harshly. How could I possibly explain myself?

I don't know how to eat. Sounds funny? Not for me. I don't know how to behave when you have to eat with people, I don't know what people eat, I don't know how do they eat, what they say before and after eating. I only grasped some of that knowledge when I was in hospital. Man, that was some great leash. Well, by now perhaps I know how to imitate but not very well. And it's not the thing anyway.

It took me a long time to learn how to say thanks you and sorry. I was spoiled. I never had to. It also took me some time to learn that I'm supposed to because other's feelings are important. When I fully understood it, I forgot about my feelings completely and listened to other's only. I could not keep any balance. I couldn't be normal and consider both mine and other's feelings equal. I still can't. Extreme loves me. It's always like that.
deleted deleted
26-30
2 Responses Jul 18, 2010

Your story is touching. You had and still ahe a hard life. I can partialy understand you .<br />
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About your behaviour problem...<br />
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I will be precise.<br />
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You have just one life. You are a person. you have lots of great parts! You, as all human make mistakes, but overcome your past and look to the future.<br />
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What concerns you help?<br />
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Look...<br />
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When you eat with somebody, relax, trust yourself, and if you mistake, nothing will happen. You will learn from your mistake and you will be stronger next time.<br />
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Eat as you wish, be who you are, act like you feel. Look to the sky. The clouds are free. <br />
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You are like them. A cloud on the sky. Sure, that on the sky are many clouds, and sometimes when they meet, storms are coming. But the clouds remain clouds. Some become water. The other clouds can consider this as "death", but from that water other clouds come. <br />
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So, be free and let others hel-p you too.<br />
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When you help others ad listen to their storyes, tell your story to them too. <br />
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Find your balance.<br />
Just trust yourself and belive in who you are. You are important and you matter, and for some person, sometime, you will be more precious than life itself.<br />
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The world is beiutiful. You are a part of the world, so you are beoutifull too.<br />
Be who you are, don't copy and don't imitate. Just be yourself.<br />
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God be with you and may that you will find your peace!

so were ur parents divorced and so ur mum didn't care what ur grades were but ur dad did