There are definitely days I wish I was right in the middle of the bell curve in terms of cultural normalcy.  I wish my dad hadn't died when I was so young and left me with so much of his (and my mom's) debt and no estate or anything.  I am in my twenties and I see all these happy couples with their parents who are basically still supporting them, buying them furniture and cars and getting them started in life and I have to learn how to do that all by myself, without any safety net. 

I wish I could get satisfaction from American Idol and Justin Timberlake and not aspire to do anything more than come home and watch TV and make babies and have some compliant wife cook dinner.   I wish I could be content the way so many other people appear to be content with their lives and relationships.  It's like everyone's on some drug and they forgot to pass me the pills and I have to just make do. 

I wonder if even "normal" exists, maybe it's just some idealized fantasy, a leftover of the Brady Bunch and Leave it to Beaver or something. 

Part of it too is that I feel really betrayed by society for leaving me so stranded for so many years, without any help.  I dont' think many people feel that betrayal.  once you do, though, you see everything in a different light.  Having struggled and survived you realize that people need to cling to consistency and normalcy in order to survive.   So in a way I'm glad that I am stronger than that.  It's that old saying: the price of being a sheep is conformity; but the price of being a wolf is lonelines. 
Seraph1m Seraph1m
26-30, M
1 Response Jul 8, 2007

Perhaps your lifestyle isn’t as illustrious as celebrities (a tradeoff for being blessed with a brilliant mind!) and like many “normal” people you find mainstream ideologies the antithesis of individuality. I feel malevolent to know that you felt betrayed by society who incontrovertibly has a moral obligation to support those in need. <br />
I think its great that you challenge societal values, we need more people like you!