Hi, My Name Is Coffeemate and I'm Glad I'm Here.

I come from a family that judge unmercifully.. . you need to be really wealthy, have the best of everything, and be ABSOLUTELY PERFECT WITH THE ABSOLUTELY PERFECT LIFE.  Oh, and if you do something I haven't done yet, I'm going to do it better than you.  Being a good catholic you have to go to mass every Sunday or it's a sin.  Support the church so your an important, wealthy member and everyone knows who you are.

Hi, my name is CoffeeMate.  I have Fybromyalgia, which means I have no life.  I'm on SS Disability so I'm poor.  I have Hepatitis C because I use to take drugs and shared a dirty needle.  I'm mentally ill with depression, PTSD, split personality because of abuse.  When I was 8 yrs old I was hit by a car and had minor brain damage.  I had to repeat 2nd grade because I forgot everything.  School never became an important part of my life.  I left home at 15 with an eighth grade education.  I did drugs, I was married 3 times, (I did get in 3 yrs of college),  I relapsed after 12 yrs of sobriety and drank everyday for 10 yrs.  The last couple years or so I smoked crack cocaine and now struggle with processing information.  Having chronic fatigue really affects your brain, but the crack did some damage.  When I went to treatment I couldn't say even 1 coherent sentence.  People really couldn't understand what I was trying to say.  Today I have to rewrite sentences because I say things incorrectly.  My vocabulary is 1/4 of what it use to be.  I process information differently and am no longer a fast learner.  I can no longer  participate in current issues discussions because I can't retain information. I have to keep things simple because that's all I can do right now. I use to feel self respect because of my personal achievements, but now I have low self-esteem. I  now have tremors and it took me along time to be OK with it.  It's amazing how tremors can really change your life.  Because I lost everything to cocaine before I decided I didn't want to die that way, I'm now staying at my Dad's.  Guess what that does to my self respect.  I should be out of here in a couple months.  It's taken me a year 1/2 to get healthy enough to leave, again.

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1 Response Aug 17, 2008

bless you! i was raised catholic too maybe we should chat sometime!!