I confess: I am serial monogamist.

Lately I've had some time on my own and I have been thinking a lot about my relationships.

I have realized that next year I am going to graduate from college and that I have not been single since 10th grade. Only had 2 LTRs. Only been single for like a week, tops, since 10th grade.

Now - I admit - I want to be selfish.
I am sick and tired of trying to mold and cater my future according to a significant other. I feel it is holding me back.

I just want to plan my life for myself and not have to include anyone in it. I don't want to live my life for someone else, I want to start living for myself. I want to explore myself and as much of the world as possible.

I'm not looking for hook-ups or flings or random dating. I actually really don't want anything remotely romantic anytime in the next 1-2 years. I want to be on my own for once and see what that is like.

I feel that having had a boyfriend for so long has made me very lazy in regards to my own social life. In time I have lost any strong connection I have had with anyone but my boyfriend. I want to be single so I can push myself to meet people and make friends again and put myself in new social situations.

Most of all, I am sick, SICK of having to babysit men.
I hate it.
I don't know if I choose the wrong men or if this is something very common, but I have dated the laziest ***** ever. It wasn't always obvious.
But then you notice.
Take my current boyfriend for example. Been dating for 2 years, right? At first everything was wonderful. For a semester in our first year we kinda sorta lived together (he kept a lot of stuff at his place) but then we full on moved in together. I haven't decided if it was a big mistake or a good decision because it was such an eye-opener.
My boyfriend is lazy as ****. Irresponsible. Immature. A slob. Selfish. Unable to think or plan ahead. It. is. *******. driving. me. crazy.
I find it demeaning to the both of us that I have to pester him, pester him to do his college assignments. I am not his mom, nor his babysitter. But unless I spend an inordinate amount of time nagging him to do his assignments, he leaves them to the very last minute, gives up and does a crap job. I have been told by others - if it weren't for me, he would not have been doing so well in college. I would like not to pester him. I would love to stop.

But then he would fail, like he used to before we moved in together and like he does every time I don't incessantly remind him. I have talked to him about this, several times actually.
He always says that he wants to do more, he wants to do better by him and by me, that he wants to build a safe and lovely future for us.
Then he goes home and plays DotA all night instead of finishing his assignments on time/studying for finals. And he tries to trick me into thinking he has done his homework, as if that helps anyone EVER.

I am ******* 21, and he is ******* 22. This is not ****** normal.

He got a gig working part-time from home. It was nice. He got 4 ******* chances to do it right. Everytime he apologized to the employer and he promised to do better next time, and the employer trusted him because he thought they were friends. Then my lovely boyfriend did not do any of the work and avoided the employer. The only time he did do some work and got paid was that one time I yelled him and pestered and then I sat with him and did part of his work myself, because we needed the money. Other than that, he blew every chance he had.

Because I've realized that he avoids doing any sort of work. The one time he did do some of the work (when I pestered him) he complained that it was time consuming and tiring. No **** Sherlock?? That is work for you.

Did I mention that he seems to be completely unable to simply pick up after himself? We shared a very cramped space. A small studio with a bathroom. The floor was always full of his clothes, his socks, his shoes, his underwear, his books, his everything. At first I used to pick up after him. But then I ****** got sick of it.

I told him that filling the space with his crap was making me feel I didn't have any space for myself in there. Our table was always full with his crap. I couldn't use it to do my work. Not to mention how annoying it was to constantly trip over his stuff while trying to walk in our room.

I have to yell at him like I would at a child so he will pick up his ****** stuff off the damn ****** floor. Why is it so complicated to understand I am not his maid? That I need space too? Why is it so ****** hard to put a t-shirt in the laundry or leave your shoes in the shoe space? I have talked to him about this, I have explained to him that it makes me feel extremely uncomfortable, cramped and even slightly claustrophobic. He says he will try to do better, but I can tell he does not give a flying ****.

Being in a relationship with him had become, at some point, so tiring that my performance in college had been dropping. Because I had to take care of myself (and learn how to take care of myself!) and at the same time be his mom, his babysitter, his maid, his tutor, his cook, his girlfriend, his everything. He did not have to lift a single finger.
When I told him that I would stop doing all the above mentioned things (except being his girlfriend) and when I could actually focus on myself for a while, my performance in college skyrocketed. I even did an internship.
Meanwhile, he, during his time in college, has literally done nothing worthwhile. But he constantly needs me tell him that everything will be ok and that he won't be a failure and whatnot.

To some point, I have realized that I hate him. Or at least I hate living with him with a passion. Obviously my rant here is about the negative aspects of our relationships which I feel have been affecting me a lot.
whatsername whatsername
26-30, F
1 Response Aug 15, 2014

I hope not all men are like this?? Cause they sure as hell put up a good front in the beginning. My boyfriend is 29 and although he bust his *** working he is a total slob I am his maid. We moved together and have been living in this house for a year can you imagine not once has he washed a dish???! Leaves his clothes all over... I being up the asker of clean clothes instead of folding it he dumps it bother floor if he's looking for something???!!! I'm dying to have my own place!!! I say go and live the single life!!! I real man will add to your life not take away...

* when I bring up the basket of clean laundry

I think that our society doesn't teach men that they should be able to take care of themselves and the place they live. They just transition from a mom to a replacement for their mom and they learn that it is normal! Well - I don't think it is! When I was a teenager living with my parents, I was extremely messy and didn't care much, because my mom was there to take care of me. Once I was on my own, I realized that now I have to pick up after myself. Especially since now I have to live in small spaces and if they are messy, they feel even smaller and it drives me crazy. So I became very orderly, organized, trying to keep the space clean and comfortable and I really try to maintain my space that way. The problem with many men is that they don't give a ****, simply put! It is very disrespectful after you spent a lot of time putting everything in order and cleaning, that he just throws everything around and dirties it. I started giving my boyfriend chores so I could have some time to myself and he constantly failed at stuff like washing the dishes, I mean, what the **** is so complicated? There usually were 2 plates, 2 forks, 2 knives, 1 pan... it takes 10 minutes tops to wash them. So he tried to put off washing the dishes for DAYS!! and when he finally did do them, he wouldn't even bother to wash them properly! Like if I'd check, they'd still be greasy or have food leftovers on them and I'd have to wash them again! And no matter how much you talk to him about him, he just doesn't care! **** men, seriously!

**** them...

Oh and one more thing that I thought was incredibly disrespectful:
For a while I had full time job and at the same time I had pneumonia (for 3-4 weeks). It was very difficult juggling a job, sickness and college. On top of that, I still had to take care of his stupid lazy ***. He was not working, he was not doing his stupid college assignments and when I got home in the evening at like 8 PM (after leaving at 8 AM), he would tell me that he was hungry because he waited the entire day for me!! As in he was so lazy he couldn't reach into the fridge and eat something unless I did it for him!! No, he waited for me and expected that after my 12 hour day of work and college and doctor's appointments, that I COOK for him and clean up after him. Can you believe that? You would have thought that since I was gone for so long and working so hard, I deserved to come home and have him cook me a simple quick meal. ******* *******.

I was the errand girl-" babe can you get me a beer at the gas station?" Or I'm coming home from work " babe pick up something to eat I'm starving" ---mind you he was home by 230pm granted he works hArd but really!!? I would get out at 7pm. I packed my stuff and left him yesterday... You think he'd call me or text me and say I miss you come back or I'll come get you! He texted me at 11pm to say " this is the last errand I will ever ask of you please bring me a bottle of sake I will give you the money tomorrow" ---- seriously?????!!!!!!!!! **** him----

You go girl!! Leave that piece of **** behind!

3 More Responses