I want to be someone else. My life is functioning on pure envy. Being angry at pretty girls is actually the only thing keeping my energy up. and I stress over it constantly. Seeing pretty girls and I can't be like them or look like them or have anything they have. They have amazing facial features and are gorgeous to an extreme and I am am naturally ugly. I can't shake a girl in particular. Her name is Kendall.

She isn't the prettiest girl ever but I am still very jealous of her for some reason. She is very emo (not my style) has flippy hair that makes her look like she is wearing a helmet and wears straight black eyeliner around her eyes. No eye shadow or anything. I don't know what the big deal about her is. Every guy in her grade loves her and wants to be with her and she leads them on until she turns them down and everytime I see her I don't want to be me. I want to change myself to be like her because she almost seems perfect when in reality she isn't. She listens to emo bands all the time and she wears band t-shirts. Nothing really good. Me and my boyfriend are into heavy rock. Not plain out emo music like her. We want real instruments minus the screaming. But one day she wore an Iron Maiden shirt and my boyfriend gave her "Respect points" I wanted to die right where I stood.

She even managed to get him to remember her name. She came up into a conversation between my best friend (a guy) and my boyfriend. My best friend has liked her for a while and my boyfriend actually brought her up in the conversation. I kept silent trying to hide my jealousy. I am even jealous of my best friend liking her. What makes her so special?

All this does is make me want to stop being myself and start being someone like her. I feel like I'm begging for attention but I need to be someone else. I am not happy in my own skin.
battlefighter battlefighter
18-21, F
2 Responses Aug 20, 2014

You could try a different style. Maybe you will feel comfortable after a change.

Normally you'd want to be yourself. Every girl deserves attention, but the ones who always worked too hard to get it will never get anywhere in life.