Talked To My Son

My son is 17 and we talk often now. In other posts I make it no secret that we had virtually no relationship. Now we have a connection.

We get along and I have taken on a roll of mentor. Agree or not, at a certain age we need to guide more than punish.
As a mentor or friend we have to tell the other the facts that they don't want to hear.

My son makes mistakes that can have life long consequences. Luckily I hear about them in the planning stages. Other mistakes are just damaging to his social status. You may be thinking "how do I know what his status is."

Well I know what kind of person he wants to be and what his goals are. We talked about these two areas and he shared these.

The other day it looked like he may stray. I talked to him about it to see if his goal changed. It hadn't. So we discussed how this current situation could impact his original goal for a career.

My son also has a problem with his mother. It's just an underlying tension that causes problems. On a personality scale (see "interactions" post) my son can be a 8. He has a ways to go before he can be a 9.

I constantly have to bear bad news about his personality and limiting beliefs. It's hard for a teen as they desire to fit in while at the same time creating their own identity. He has come a long way from being lazy and passive aggressive.
He works hard and earns everything he has. He does insight into who he wants to become.

I still have to correct his behavior by telling him he got it wrong. A blow to his ego after all that work. He desires to be a real man. Yet, he doesn't understand a real man has to know when to follow. Hence the tension between he and my wife.

Now my son desires women in his life. Much like myself. I love my wife dearly and will never hurt her. I simply enjoy the conversation of women. So don't take my enjoyment of women as me doing anything wrong.
My son also desires having many quality friends.

To do this one must lead and follow. Have a strong identity of self. When that conflicts with another person and he tries to exert power over that person he ends up taking a step backward from becoming a real man. The stage he is at with my wife. If he like that with my wife he is like that with others. Unless corrected he will go through life wondering if he ever fully became a man.

As his Dad and mentor I must come to his side and tell him the hard truth. Then I give him tools to find for himself the correct path. His path is different than mine. So I must accept those differances. In later years as he fully finds finds himself I hope one day that we can sit and have a beer. I can look over and see a man that is content with his life and not have regrets. He can see his growth from his mistakes.

Until then I have to bear telling him things I don't want to say and things he doesn't want to hear.
Knighted Knighted
36-40, M
2 Responses Jul 12, 2010

Your son and your wife are so lucky to have you in their lives. You are more concerned with being present in your relationships than being pleasant. That can be so difficult but so worth the pain and the effort.

Enjoyed the read, Thanks for sharing :)