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No One Really Understands.
A personal story in the experience: I Want to Be Understood By Just One Person
Dec 4th, 2007
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ometimes I feel like I'm invisible. I know it's a common feeling, but I just feel so alone in the world. I've got a great relationship, a fiance who cares deeply for me, and a father who'd do anything to help me succeed. But the one thing I feel I don't have, is someone who understands me. My fiance thinks that when I'm down all I need to do is cry and I'll feel okay again. But it doesn't always work that way. He thinks I just inherited the gene pool of depression, that's been widely spread throughout my family. And while I certainly agree, I don't think that's the cause of all my stress.
I moved away to be closer to his family, which meant sacrificing the time I have with my family and friends. Since then, I've failed to find anyone that I can relate with down here. I'm really shy, which has hindered me making friends. I just don't know what to do. I've tried, but everyone else seems to fit in so much better. They all have someone who can relate to them, which makes things so much easier.
At work, everyone thinks I'm stuck up. But thats not the case. I just want to fit in like everyone else, and don't know how to. I'm in a completely different culture than what I was raised in. I hate going to work because I feel like such an outsider. I try to be social, but I always end up looking like an idiot. I don't have the same kind of wit everyone else does. Which ultimately leads me back to keeping to myself. To top things off, I feel like I suck at my job. I get so stressed out I end up forgetting things, and then end up getting nagged about it later. I'm slower than the rest, and I feel like it gets pointed out constantly by one of the bosses. I hate it so much. Going to work always ends up making me feel tens times worse than what I am. But I can't quit, because I don't feel like me not fitting in would be a good excuse for my boss. And if I used it, I feel like I'd be remembered as the black sheep.
I just need someone in this world who understands me.
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  | Posted Aug 8th, 2008 at 3:05PM, last updated Aug 8th, 2008 at 3:07PM I wonder how things went for you... I know how it is to feel like am not understood by anyone too. 4 months ago I started to date this guy I was attracted to, and he asked me to change in terms of my habits: getting angry, depressed, and smoking. I managed to quit smoking but I couldn't stop being upset and he thought it was because I was just being irrational and "a nag" ... which just made me even more depressed because he didn't understand why or what would upset me, which was strange because I was used to my mom and my friend's understanding me and knowing exactly what would upset me. Soon after I started to date him I had to move out from mom's house to dad's house for different reasons, and I couldnt see my friends and he was all I had besides my friends at university, but I was always in his company or him and his friends' company. His friends being different to mine in depth, I didn't feel I fit in. Needless to say, his lack of understanding and ability to understand made me feel that I couldn't be with him any longer. I tried relentlessly but in vain to find ways to allow him to understand me. So I broke up with him two days ago. My sister supported the break up and said something that I really related to and I think you could relate to, "It's better to dance solo than to dance with a toe stepper" +2 nods   |
 | Posted Aug 14th, 2008 at 8:26PM I know exactly how you feel. I often try to be social, but it comes out akward and doesn't seem like something I would say. I always feel like I suck at my job even when my boss couldnt do without me. I think I understand where your coming from! +2 nods |
 | Posted Sep 13th, 2008 at 10:35PM Choose your world ++++++++++++++++++ When the going gets tough, smile. And know that you have what it takes to make it through. When stress and tension and confusion surround you, relax. Select a specific challenge, deal with it, and then move calmly and confidently to the next. If you're being pulled in every direction by forces beyond your control, take time to remember what you value most. Focus on what's important to you, and you'll naturally move toward it. There will be times when it seems that your dreams are slipping away. Remind yourself once again why you follow those dreams, and you will bring them back to life. Choose to live not in a world that's overwhelmed with problems. Choose instead to live in a world that is overflowing with positive possibilities. On the surface, life can often seem tumultuous and incomprehensible. Yet deep inside, where it truly matters, life is the way you see it and becomes what you choose to make it. Ralph Marston +3 nods |
| Posted Oct 30th, 2008 at 9:22AM I know how you feel.doesnt mean we got the same trouble but ill share mine.So maybe youll recongnize yourself. I moved out of town to find workand I found love.i got eveything to be happy...house,kidz,cars,work,and a wonderfull husban.But a often feel so lonely and misunderstood.for no reason at all ...My mother told me my father was a very depressed man and that i could have herited of it.So i met a doctor to talk aboutit.he sent me to see a psy.I got a light personality problem actually.no very big,just enough to make me feel alone and empty.im feeling already better now with some counseling.Sure he gave me pills to cheer me up a bit(very light one...just to help me cause I wasnt -depressed-just to help me feeling less empty and alone.and the counseling its to help me find where it come from and how to deal with it.its very effective and nothing horrible.And its actually very common becausse of all the change in the woirld in the last 60 years and the fact that we know everything around the world(war and all that ****) so sometime it affect us more than we think.well thats my experience...And I had a weird childhoow that didnt help it. You maybe just need to get in touch with yourself cause you sound like somebody who forget herself for the others... Dont be shy to go see a doctor!It doesnt mean your crazy or nuts,just that you not feeling as well as you should and that you need to know why so you can be really happy :) Good luck sweety! |
 | Posted Nov 27th, 2008 at 3:56PM I definately understand the statement, "I just need someone in this world who understands me!" I feel that way all of the time. Have decided it is never going to happen. |
| Posted Dec 19th, 2008 at 2:22PM I know that "invisible" feeling very well and it seems like I'm always searching for ways to erase it. I crave that feeling of understanding and belonging and try to get it out of romantic relationships, but that hasn't worked out. But currently, I'm with someone who likes to say, quite frequently, "men are just men" or "men are really simple, we say what we mean." Now, I've basically given up on that route and think I need female friends to relate to, but I've never been able to do that very well either. I find myself on a pendelum where I crave attention on one side, but want to hide from the whole world on the other. I find it so hard to deal with the anxiety of feeling alone sometimes that I have recently turned to extreme dieting as a source of comfort. I wish that I could shift my focus to something more productive, but it feels safe. I can definitely relate to that feeling of moving away and feeling like you don't belong, while "he" quite obviously does. Sometimes my boyfriend goes off into different languages depending on where we are and whom he is speaking with. Long periods of sitting like a rock, not understanding any conversation has worn me down a little (especially when no one is around to speak any English). |
 | Posted Dec 31st, 2008 at 12:27AM You just have to remember that there are people who understand and that you aren't alone. They may not be where you are now, but you'll happen upon them one day. Until then, we on EP support and understand you. +2 nods |
| Posted Feb 2nd, 2009 at 12:22PM Low self esteem follows you where ever you go. I know this from experience. You are important enough to take the time to take care of yourself and your needs. Find and ask someone to spend some time listening to you. Then set one goal for yourself and get this one person to be your cheer leander. Ask them to do this small favor for you. It helps to have a nurturing relationship with someone on some level, a friend, not your husband of fiance, but just a friend. |
| Posted Feb 4th, 2009 at 8:31PM I understand what you mean. I am pretty quiet and reserved around people I don't know. Once I get to know them, like them and trust them, I open up more but I don't make friends very easily. In fact, they have to be very easy to get a long with and show interest in wanting to be a friend before I will start to open up. As for the job, I am in the same situation! I never feel like I am doing good enough. I am always paranoid that they are going to fire me any minute. I feel like I can't work fast enough, hard enough, or good enough. My job involves so many different tasks to be done and because there is so much to do, no matter what I choose to work on it means that something else ISNT getting done. And of course, what doesn't get done is always the thing your boss wanted to get done. I stress about this too. Every day I wake up to go to work, I am sad and I curse the job all the way there every morning. I pray for Fridays to come soon but then even on Friday and throughout the weekend, I feel like I can't fully relax because in the back of my mind, I am thinking "ok, now I've only got X hours til it's Monday and I have to go back" - I swear it's not healthy at all. There is no real peace. Here si one thing that is hard to accept but it helps to remind yourself of this: Give 100% and just do your best -that's all you can do. If your job chooses to let you go or not like you, then you can walk away knowing that you did your best. |
| Posted Feb 4th, 2009 at 8:32PM I understand what you mean. I am pretty quiet and reserved around people I don't know. Once I get to know them, like them and trust them, I open up more but I don't make friends very easily. In fact, they have to be very easy to get a long with and show interest in wanting to be a friend before I will start to open up. As for the job, I am in the same situation! I never feel like I am doing good enough. I am always paranoid that they are going to fire me any minute. I feel like I can't work fast enough, hard enough, or good enough. My job involves so many different tasks to be done and because there is so much to do, no matter what I choose to work on it means that something else ISNT getting done. And of course, what doesn't get done is always the thing your boss wanted to get done. I stress about this too. Every day I wake up to go to work, I am sad and I curse the job all the way there every morning. I pray for Fridays to come soon but then even on Friday and throughout the weekend, I feel like I can't fully relax because in the back of my mind, I am thinking "ok, now I've only got X hours til it's Monday and I have to go back" - I swear it's not healthy at all. There is no real peace. Here si one thing that is hard to accept but it helps to remind yourself of this: Give 100% and just do your best -that's all you can do. If your job chooses to let you go or not like you, then you can walk away knowing that you did your best. |
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