Look Like I Have It All...37 Years Old & I Have No Freinds :(

I think people think I'm weird at work.
For my entire life I've been unable to have the freindships that I feel I want.
I've been plauged with never knowing why i can't have normal friendships.
I was molested by my father until I was 11 years old. I'm not sure how this effects my relationships but if anyone is out there who thinks they can help me please write me.
My mother was not very close to me growing up.
I remember once she told me not to call her "mommy", to call her mom only.
I suffer so much because I see people at work in groups talking and going out after work.
When I do get freinds, I ruin them somehow!  I've always done this.
I do everything to be normal.
I have nice hair, wear nice makeup, well kept.
Wear trendy clothes (shop at Nordstrom).
Excersise (skinny), clean teeth.  Make good money. Have a husband and car and home.
I look together.  but I'm misterable inside and alone.
I just started counseling.
Any advise would help.
sweeetpink sweeetpink
3 Responses Jul 12, 2010

I feel the same way before, so I start to open myself up to others more and it improves gradually. It takes time for me to understood myself and there's still a lot more work to do. I hope your counseling work well for you. All the best. :-)

I appreciate your comment. That is definately a good point of view. I have no idea how to express myself!<br />
I'm so afraid to let go and look terrible. Lets say I go take a swim... then my hair will look terrible and my makeup will get messy. I hate looking bad.<br />
People judge you by how you look and if you look good they like you, it you look bad I'm afraid I wont be liked. Plus I've seen pics of me not made up and I hate how I look.

I kind of suspect that just about everybody feels like they're traveling through life alone on the inside -- at least from time to time. I was never too comfortable in the context of a 'group' -- I always had a good friend or two but that's it. Maybe you should just walk right up and say, 'Mind if I join you?' and see what happens.