Too Much Control Not Enough Air To Breath

                Just one person that will truly cares about lets me say everything without telling me to stop. I am hurt and feel like I'm in pain from these rough times in my life. Cutting doesn't fix thing and doesn't make me feel better anymore and the affects of alcohol doesn't last long enough for me.
                 The problems from finical to love to family is still there suffocating me. I want my family cut off out of my life and start my own life with the one i want to try it out with. My boyfriend was the only person that knows about me and the only one that has tried stopping me and i did. I didn't know how bad i needed someone until i began being there for him SO i feel in love. He knew what was going on with me more then anyone and cared enough to help and make me happy.

                I got what i wanted and he wanted to make me happy so yeah we started some trouble and got into shoplifting. Around anyone else i was seriously fake but he knew me and i knew him. 

                I don't think anyone could really understand that kind of relationship especially my mom. She was always a ***** but tried. The rest of my family really had no business with me but did the hardest judging that I wanted to slam a door in their faces. Then after months of shoplifting we were caught with a bag a chips and sent home. Yeah that was it.
                 We were 15 and couldn't do much for ourselves and tired of burdening our parents with silly little things we wanted. So we took them. But after that time we got caught its NEVER happening again. I'm sure if i didn't make things worse I would be happier right now.
                  What i did was got a hold of these prescribed pain killers and took 12 and drank like a bottle and half thing of vodka. I have no memory after that and i woke in the hospital. They called it attempt of suicide but all i wanted to do is relax and get away from the chaos. But i guess that just ruined my life.. some people told me it happens and i'll grow out of it and that's just what teenagers do.  My mom just said shes regrets being a mother and wants me away.

                 My mom and I have always been the best friends and some screw ups ruined everything. I find that to be unfair because there is worse out there. Its not my fault everything finical has gone to **** with both of my parents and i definitely appreicate them for trying everything they can but... They take it as like i am not under any stress or crying myself to slept.

                 I know the stuff i've talked about doesnt really show that i am actually smart and my problems might seem pretty lame compared to someone with the "heartbreaking traggic story". But losing everything and wanting to get out of this cage makes me want to vent.
                (My first story so be nice)

JustCallMeKat JustCallMeKat
18-21, F
4 Responses Aug 9, 2010

No, you still sound like a kid trying to figure things out (which isn't a bad thing at all).....

Make your mistakes, choose bad freinds, go party intill you die. Might not be the most social acceptable thing but it makes for many of many of many of those one hell of a story stories. And what is naivety except for a way to make you fell stupid and less then anyone who is older then you. People like you and me sound naive but really we just point out stuff so simple that everybody else missed but because its not complicated enough it is deemed wrong. What I'm saying it don't let other peoples opinoun sway you ,do you and nobody else don't give a **** spit whatever you wanna **** what they thinking

I have learned and i feel smart like i know what i need to do to prove everything i need too. The more ambitions i feel about it all the more i am wanting to scream my guts out from this control and boundaries. But do i sound navie??

The first "real" love is always so intense, and most kids get swept up in it (I know I did).... You need to learn from this though, and don't make the same mistakes again. You are still so very young, life has MANY twists and turns, but in the end you will find things have a way of working out when you least expect it Kiddo...