What's Wrong With Me?What's wrong with me? I'm fourteen, and I haven't had a boyfriend yet! I haven't even had my first kiss yet! My friends (my age) are having sex with their boyfriends, and I haven't even had a boyfriend. Eleven year olds are talking about kissing and their ex-boyfriends. Is there anything wrong with me? I'm crying here, over something that is irrational and probably stupid.
On top of that, I have this crush on Jesse (someone I've done a few plays with) that won't go away. And just when I forget about him long enough, something happens (like finding a picture of him in a photo album, or online) and I just feel so bad, because I know nothing will happen, I bet we won't ever even be friends.
There is this guy, Sam, who is really nice, we sometimes have lunch and bubble tea as friends, but I'm so confused. I think he likes me (he buys me stuff, like a valentines present (a wallet, and necklace that I always wear)), but I don't know if I like him because I like Jesse so much that it's almost hard to think about me and Sam being more then friends. And I'm starting to sound like those mindless girls that I hate!
I feel fat (even though my mom says I'm not). I feel ugly (mom says the same thing). and Sam's been in Spain for a month (he's going to be coming back next week), and he's the only real friend that I have, so the only person keeping me company is an online friend, who hasn't been online for a month because she is busy with school and stuff. And my great grandmother is in the hospital for something that has to do with her spine (she's almost 94 years old).
When I'm upset I eat more then I should, and I feel like I'm fat. I don't think I've smiled for a month. I haven't updated any of my fanfictions for a month. I just feel like I want to crawl into a corner, fall asleep and never wake up.
On top of all that (if that is a lot), there's an audition for West Side Story soon, and I really want to play Anybodys, but I don't think I'm going to get the part (even though I've got the hair cut for the part, and I can act and sing).
I just feel so awful, and it feels like no one wants to understand me, or even talk to me.
phytonym 16-18, F 28 Responses 11 Apr 9, 2007