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What's Wrong With Me?

    What's wrong with me? I'm fourteen, and I haven't had a boyfriend yet! I haven't even had my first kiss yet! My friends (my age) are having sex with their boyfriends, and I haven't even had a boyfriend. Eleven year olds are talking about kissing and their ex-boyfriends. Is there anything wrong with me? I'm crying here, over something that is irrational and probably stupid.
    On top of that, I have this crush on Jesse (someone I've done a few plays with) that won't go away. And just when I forget about him long enough, something happens (like finding a picture of him in a photo album, or online) and I just feel so bad, because I know nothing will happen, I bet we won't ever even be friends.
    There is this guy, Sam, who is really nice, we sometimes have lunch and bubble tea as friends, but I'm so confused. I think he likes me (he buys me stuff, like a valentines present (a wallet, and necklace that I always wear)), but I don't know if I like him because I like Jesse so much that it's almost hard to think about me and Sam being more then friends. And I'm starting to sound like those mindless girls that I hate!
    I feel fat (even though my mom says I'm not). I feel ugly (mom says the same thing). and Sam's been in Spain for a month (he's going to be coming back next week), and he's the only real friend that I have, so the only person keeping me company is an online friend, who hasn't been online for a month because she is busy with school and stuff. And my great grandmother is in the hospital for something that has to do with her spine (she's almost 94 years old).
    When I'm upset I eat more then I should, and I feel like I'm fat. I don't think I've smiled for a month. I haven't updated any of my fanfictions for a month. I just feel like I want to crawl into a corner, fall asleep and never wake up.
    On top of all that (if that is a lot), there's an audition for West Side Story soon, and I really want to play Anybodys, but I don't think I'm going to get the part (even though I've got the hair cut for the part, and I can act and sing).
    I just feel so awful, and it feels like no one wants to understand me, or even talk to me.
-Lilly
phytonym phytonym 16-18, F 28 Responses Apr 9, 2007

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Lilly,
it sounds to me that you are experiencing a fairly normal teenage life, with all of it ups and downs. Do not be in a hurry as far as sex and a boyfriend go because life has a way of working things out. Besides you do not want to rush into something you may regret later. Best wishes to you.

life is hard sometimes. please don't be so hard on yourself. focus on learning to be yourself and the rest will fall into place.

I don't think is anything wrong with you ...you are very young you will have plenty of time to think about boyfriends you're only 14 ....just finish school first... ..good luck to you!!!!!!

There isn't anything wrong with you. I know how you might feel worried that somebody who is younger then you has been in a relationship. regardless you shouldn't be worried, I mean I know people who are my age (Fifteen) and haven't been kissed. I haven't even been in a relationship. But that's okay because at least I'm waiting until I find someone I really care about. I think relationships are pointless if you don't have a reason to go out with the person.

I'm fourteen and I feel the same way as you and I haven't done any of that either, but what will those 11 year olds and 14 year olds have to say to a new boyfriend if they've been with every guy on the block? I'm sure that our future boyfriends will appreciate that you haven't been! That makes you special! And guys like special girls I actually have had one boyfriend but no kiss haha longggg story... Anyway, if you need anyone I'm here :) just message me or whatever, I just joined so I'm not exactly sure what you do here :) have a good one, let me know I you need someone to talk to, I'm here. :)

sex is the furthest thing from love... if you keep focusing on just having sex to get it over with, that is something you will regret for the rest of your life, because your first time has to be special with someone special, with sparks and magic... and it will happen, just give it the time it needs. It will happen, and it will be worth the wait. one more thing, you know, the way people see you is a reflexion of how you perceive yourself. so if you keep hating yourself, thinking you're not fit enough, pretty enough or simply not enough, that's how others will start seeing you eventually because you project that image of yourself. trust yourself, trust that you deserve the best, that you WILL have the best, work for your tomorrow, look for the bright side in every bad thing, even if it is small, hold on to it. things like these may seem irrelevant to you now but trust me, it works. by changing how you think of youself, you change how people look at you. as for the guy you like, jesse, well try to get to know him, become friends, maybe he'll see what a great girl you are and maybe he won't. maybe you'll find that he's not that great. as for sam, well i think that if you give it space and chance, you may be surprised by how much you like him (boyfriend material i mean) or you may still see him as a friend. either way, you'll know for sure to make a move or to move on... i hope i could help

Seriously? I'm eleven and not a SINGLE KID in our school has a boyfriend. So is there something wrong with my school? :)

I can totally relate. If there's anything wrong it's with all your friends sleeping around. Sex is not love, it's not something you have to do to be in a relationship...you don't even have to be in a relationship to be normal. There are so many more important things in life. Find your passions, follow your dreams...the only thing to hold you back is the lie "I can't". Live your life and find out more about you before you commit yourself to any one person. Because I'll tell you one thing, when you get involved at that level (sex) things change FAST.

I went through this and my friends all had girlfriends at 15.I wanted a certian type of girlfriend that was sensitive and loving.BUT...it made me feel sad and lonely and ODD.

Then at 19 the RIGHT girl came along and I was still a virgin and so was she.5 years after that we married and we have been happy for 33 years.

Kids scare me now a days because they are rushing to date,have sex and marry or have a baby.This is driven by the Bankers and Business that want to sell movies,clothes and music.I wish kids would slow down and just try to have fun.

Lilly, don't worry too much about that right now! It's when you have a solid career, everything you want, that you can begin worrying about not having a BF or a sexual life. Just enjoy what comes your way, as it is. I'm 16, never had a BF- ha, never even been kissed :P, so if you're worried about that, then DAMN something must be wrong with me. Right? No. NOTHING is wrong with this situation you have. Just enjoy what does come your way; eventually you'll start having a sex life (unless you choose to be a Nun), BF's up the yin-yang, and so forth. Just have fun for now! And regardless of what some people may say, you DON'T need a BF to be able to have fun. Girl, you can have SO much fun all by yourself if you choose (and that was not intended to be perverted or nasty in anyway).

GREAT RESPONSE at 16.Be happy and stop comparing yourself to other kids.

Loooved it.

As others have told you ms.Lilly there is nothing wrong with being 14 and not having a bf. If this Sam character does like you go slow there is no rush to have sex, you are young you should be out exploring the world focus on school and other activities when the guy comes around you will know. If you feel something for Sam then why not break te ice? Yes it's hard but maybe Sam is to shy to say somethin as well. I hope you work things out with him and you find happiness among yourself.

I had my first kiss with a guy when I was almost 16. There is nothing wrong with you! 14 year olds should not be having sex, and 11 year olds should not have boyfriends. I didn't have a real boyfriend that my parents knew about until I was 16.

see you in 2 years on 16 and pregnant.

Honey, There is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU!! Let's be very clear on that. Your friends and acquaintances who are having sex or talking about having sex definitely have something wrong with them. Fourteen year-olds and Eleven year-olds, SERIOUSLY???? These are the welfare child-mothers of your generation. You would do yourself a great disservice to follow that pole-fodder (look it up) cattle run.<br />
Be Yourself, Be Smart! Be the one who is envy'd at your 10-year high school reunion. Be the one who made something of yourself. You will be the envy of all these girls who are bragging about being Loose!

Life is not always fair and all this people are kinda right, at ur age is not all about sex and boys is more about friends and family. You should not worry about all that now, that comes later you will see like i seen like several people have seen take my advice friends and family now, boyfriends later. Dont mess yourself so soon theres still a life ahead of you and i think ur going to fast.

There is absoutely nothing wrong with you. I'm fifteen and I feel like people who are your age (and my age for that matter, since it's pretty close lol) aren't mature enough to handle sex. Sex is a big descision that should be made when a person KNOWS they are ready for it. As for kissing, 11... In my opinion anyway, is much too young. I remember having my first kiss when I was 13 and it was the biggest mistake everrr:( The boy I liked turned out to be a total perv that didn't respect me at all, and he took advantage of me. I wish I would have waited until I was older, probably around the age I am now, to have my first kiss. I'm not saying eveyone's the same, though. But when it all comes down to it, it doesn't matter what age you have your first kiss. Being your age and my age.. Well being a teenager.. Should be about having fun and going on dates and keeping things simple, not having sex all the time. There's a lot of time for that laterr when we grow up. Being this age.. I mean.. Lots of people don't even know who they are yet, really. They're still trying to find out where they belong. Why on earth would anyone want to make things even more complicated? Anyway, i guess my point is sex is a big descision and it's something that should really, truly be taken seriously. And you're not weird just because you havent had your first kiss yet, don't worry! Message me anytime you need to talk:] -Shannon

Most teens havent never even kissed never mind dated someone. So your not the only one out there

you are doing all good. Its good to not fall into lust at young age. pray to God for help.God bless you...

im 15, i've never had sex or a boyf, ye i've kissed some1 but that was in some disco i wouldnt call it meaningful (nd i was 14 btw) YOU'RE COMPLETELY NORMAL! i think you're lucky u know more boys than me anyway!

11 year old kids shouldn't be kissing. I had my first kiss at 21. Life isn't about doing that others do, that's called being a sheep.

I bet your mother would really like to be there for you right now. Can you talk to her about any of this? Just tell her you are alone and need to talk, but don't want to be judged.

Honey, I know it doesn't help to say you're young but you ARE. Girls of 12 years are having babies today, is that what you want? If you have sex with a boy you won't enjoy it - he will be the only one who does. Fourteen old girl's bodies aren't ready for sex of for the enjoyment it can bring - once you know more about it and yourself.<br />
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Right now you're feeling the dufus 'cause you think you're the odd one out amongst your friends. OK, read my lips - - there is NOTHING wrong with you, on the contrary, from what I read there's everything right.<br />
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If you have sex with a guy now he'll just be using you. He won't respect you and my bet is he'll just brag to his friends how he scored with you. <br />
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Don't be afraid of being the odd one out if that means you are better than the rest for respecting yourself and your body and not being a slag. Be proud of who you are and don't let anyone tell you differently.

Lilly sweetheart im only about 3 years older than u (depending on wen ur b day is) n i can honestly say that i wen thru almost exactly wat ur going thru now n no matter how many ppl tell u ur too young to b worrying about havin a bf n sex n all that its not gonna just magically stop thinking about it n i kno that for a fact cuz i still hear all that n im 17! Look hun i still feel stupid sometimes wen i see alot of my friends with their boyfriends cuz it reminds me that i don;t have one n i kno its not a good feeling but u gotta think about it this way......look how sam is around u ....cuz u kno it seems to me like u got a guy there that would b there for you and if u don;t think ur even gonna b friends with jesse.....just slowly try to forget about him n although that sounds crazy....believe me its possible hun i;ve had to do it many times n it comes with maturity(not that im calling u immature) that u learn to recognize when its best to make/let yourself move on n yes there will b tears and days u just want to crawl into a corner fall asleep n never wake up (i felt like that today) but just the fact that u didn;t hold this all in n u typed it n posted it on here shows ur strong n u kno wat .....now u have a new friend...Me ...i can tell now that we could realli relate to eachother so if u EVER have anything u need to talk about or u want help on even if its this again talk to me im always here for ya hun message/add me on here and if u have msn or if u just wanna e-mail me my e-mail is sexi_lil_weirdo@hotmail.com just hold on hun n message me on here n let me kno if wat i've said has helped at all im always here to talk/help<br />

is it that time if the month?! no? haha im only joking. but i can completely understand and see where u r coming from. i was readin this and smiled at how similar it is to how i was thinking when i was 14 then 15 then 16 and now 17!<br />
there is absolutely nothing wrong with u! unless u want someting to be wrong with you. i knw this sounds odd but do u really want to have sex by 14 and then maybe regret it? i mean first kiss i get it. hehe what teenager doesnt want that. you shouldnt think to pessimistcly about things, (even tho i do that haha all the time) because ive learnt that by adding a little "im goin to do this and get this" to my life, it made me smile more often. EXPLORE everything. take nothing for granted. the world truly is a BIG place yet small at the same time. believe in things and believe in urself!<br />
oh and do try out for the musical! i hope u get the part you want. cheers!:)

There's nothing wrong with you.<br />
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I'm sixteen and I KNOW girls who've gotten pregnant or worse when they've been having sex at this age. A lot of sh*t can happen to you if you try to start too early. Take it slow, you have a lifetime of liberty before you. Don't mess it up with some STD that requires you to take medications and stay in a chemical straitjacket, or have a kid and that is a physical and mental strait jacket. There's no need for you to be wasting your mind and energy on that. You should concentrate on school and going to college and beyond.

Lilly, I have to agree with them. I had my first kiss at about eleven, and had sex at about fourteen. I still say, I wish I hadn't. Now I'm getting married, and he's a virgin, and I'm not, and he always tells me about how he wishes I had saved it for him. He accepts me the way I am, but I still regret it. I think you are just like every other fourteen year old girl. You want to be in love, but don't rush love. Love is something that will come to you in time as you get older. I've known my fiancƩ since I was five, but never even thought of him as being the one I'de marry. Sometimes the greatest things are right in front of you, but since your looking so hard, you seem to miss them. Don't make the same mistakes as me, and don't grow up to fast. I miss being young, and now I can't turn back the clock. I grew up too fast. I hope you see that no person is ugly too. Everyone is the way they are for a reason. Everything, every belief that we have has a reason behind it, and I don't think that the belief that you are ugly is true. I doubt you are fat too. Stop abusing yourself emotionally. No one can love you, untill you love yourself. I hope you understand me, because your life is so precious, it would be a horror to waste it. If it makes you feel any better, I am here for you if you ever need me. <br />
~Brooke

Lilly, BrutMystik is right, There is much more to life then sex and boyfriends. From an older woman (24 yrs old) talking to a younger one TRUST ME.....you can achive so much in life if you focus on the right things. The girls in life that have sex early, mess around and are only concerned with boys---those girls grow up to be failures. The girls like you that are smart, and that DO NOT give into peer pressure---they grow up to be successful. Don't ever give into peer pressure, you have bigger fish to fry. Why settle for a local boy when the world is so big!! There are many fish in the sea, and if you keep your eyes wide open, you will know a good catch when you see one. Out of all the girls I grew up with , the ones that in school that maybe wren't popular, or didn't have alot of friends or boys interested in them---those girls grew up, went away to college, got a good education and found smart, good men at college. The girls I grew up with that were 'popular' never left the county, and are in loveless marraiges. I'm not saying this is true for everyone everwhere---but it just seems like the girls that didn't give into peer pressure weren't afraid to go out in to the world and make the most of it. Lilly, you may feel like an outcast now---I did, I felt like a lone wolf all through school. But you know what, because I didn't give into peer pressure, I eventually grew up not caring what others think. And I swear to you--that is a quality that will get you far in life. Just understand that the feeling that "noone understands you" is actually a sign of intelliegence. It is easy to go with the crowd and be a stupid, mindless sheep, but only a truly intelligent, accomplished person can break away from the other sheep. Just realize that you don't need the acceptance of your peers. Just focus on your future, and what a successful person you are going to become.

You are young, you are up against alot, Lilly...and right now is probably not the time for you to be having sex, seriously. there is more to life than that, trust me, especially at your age. Your friends are really misled-don't let them mislead you...I feel sorry for young ladies today, you don't know whic way is up. Have faith in yourself, get hobbies, find something you are sort of good at or want to be good at, and practice, pour yourself into it and forget about sex and boys right now. You will have time for that later when you are stable...the lastthing you ant to do is be taken advantage of.<br />
Take Care, Lilly.