Is That Too Much to Ask?

I feel that I'm a puzzle. Whenever a new person enters my life, I make a quick estimate of the person, try to figure out, just how much information of me is this person is going to handle and make the adjustments to the basic puzzle and hand it over for the person to solve. I feel that if I would give all the pieces for my puzzle that person would get overwhelmed and would probably turn around and run away without even trying to solve the puzzle.

I wish there would become a time that I could just give the whole box, without thinking and over-analyzing the pieces first. That there would be a time that I wouldn't have to try to hide all those dark pieces that form the bottom of puzzle. I have handed those dark pieces to some people that I've thought that would be able to handle it, but most times I've regretted doing so. I feel like I'm scrabbling, trying to keep those dark pieces in my hand as long as I can... as soon as they are on the table I feel that it's close to game over for me. Then there are some turquoise pieces that I do not dare to give to my relatives... they would probably think that I'm totally insane.

So where does all this piece hoarding lead me? I feel so incomplete, unfinished. There's lots of different versions of me, but nobody seems to finish the whole puzzle! I'm not asking them to solve the puzzle all alone, I'd be more than ready to help them, if they would only ask! Could you handle all the pieces and solve this puzzle?

Fennella Fennella
31-35, F
36 Responses Jun 7, 2008

Shouldn't trying to understand others be more important than being understood?

what about telling me where the pieces fit on the puzzle?

just dont worry about what other people think though it is best to slowly release information about yourself as you get to know someone but i also think you should keep in mind that if you cant be yourself around people then simply find someone who can and that is when you wil be most happy when you accept yourself

I think if we can show patience and be real the puzzle will solve itself

Hi, I know how it is to hold back. That is the expectation of people in general. Too much information turns most off. I wish I could show the true me to people and be celebrated for it. <br />
If you like to contact me I would love to talk to you. I hope I can be a person in your life that you feel you can share your true self with.

If all you require is one person to understand you, you don't need anyone else in the room. This may or may not be pycho-babble, but I do feel that once I understand myself, I will have my starting point to what I need to be content.

boba hijuepta!!!! eres puta yntodo

I feel the same exact way. I am 29, been through 3 serious & LONG relationships, and is currently on the 4th one, going on our 2nd year. I don't know how I can't see it in the beginning, but so far this 4th one is the LEAST & FURTHEST away from understanding ME or WANT to get to know the real me. =( So yes, I totally understand & empathize with you...

Nobody needs to solve Your puzzle, because You are making it unsolveable on purpose.<br />
You are creating the puzzle and You are the judge whether this puzzle was solved by<br />
the person or not. Even when You do not give all the pieces, You still judge the correctness<br />
of the "answer".<br />
<br />
Yet You are the only one who can solve this puzzle. You don't know the answer to Your own<br />
puzzle. Nobody needs to solve this puzzle,<br />
the solution to this puzzle is that it doesn't matter whether it is solved or not. It's irrelevant.<br />
It will solve itself the moment You stop creating the puzzle and demanding it to be solved<br />
and just BE. Be NOW and accept everything as it is, open up totally without caring whether<br />
the person solves the puzzle or not. Then the puzzle will solve itself, because You will<br />
no longer need it to be solved.<br />
<br />
Some games can only be won by not participating in them.

Sometimes when you meet someone you must pull the brakes up and don`t just rush in ,Have you heard the saying patience is virtue... The I was reared is to know the person first ,take small steps .Maybe you live in a different world,there is some men that do everything for the one they care and like at first , and than love not visa versa. you will find that men will adore you ,respect you even more ....Call me old school but I know what I`m talking about...

I completely understand and do the same myself. there are just parts of us we dont think others will understand or accept whatever they may be.<br />
Ive had friends ive known for over 20 years and they still do not know "those parts"" of me.

Yeh, great thread. Too bad it is moving so glacially slow. I will probably be in a rest home by the time someone sees this.

i understand how u feel i feel the same way most of the time so what im trying to say is i understand and that your not alone

This is an inspired thread. I read your story and I felt like someone had reached inside my head and wrote exactly what I have been thinking and feeling my whole life. I loved it when you wrote.. <br />
<br />
"Wish there would become a time that I could just give the whole box, without thinking and over-analyzing the pieces first." <br />
<br />
I pray for the day when I can give over the whole box, too.

I think the puzzle pieces is a great reference when necessary and it helps to make sense some of the time...however, being who you are and wanting whatever it is you want out of your life is too important to fall into a set catagory. It is fantastic to have support but what I have learned is that NO ONE but me can make me happy you know. It sucks to have added baggage but it is always worth looking for the person who can make you smile and be happy, besides the fact that she is DAMN hot..she knows all I have endured and it did not and won't define me. End of story. Believe you are better than anyone else made you feel. : )

I love how this is fr<x>amed. The way you compared yourself to an unsolved puzzle is exquisite. I'm officially a fan of your writing!! Looking forward to your future works:)

I think the problem is that most people don't really care about you or your puzzle. My experience is that most people care little for those around them and are mostly interested in themselves and what they can get, sadly. I've had this problem my whole life where I am often curious and interested in those around me but very of them reciprocate any interest in me.

I feel the Same way. Just read my story!

We are who we are. It may sound cheap, but it is true!

Take your time life is too fast as it is. Let them get to know the real you. Whatever dark places you have these may be explained over time let them learn the basics and over time you may be comfortable in your place to be able to give more. It is not good to give too much information in the early days as some may take advantage and exploit the situation. We all have dark secrets and even things we may regret. Even if we had spent time in prison or done something we are ashamed of if we have grown from this and become better people then it can only be good. However we may not wish to volunteer such information on our first date or we may be seen as something else instead of a real person with all the imperfections that go with it. People who suffer from mental health problems often cannot form relationships because they are afraid of the reaction they might get if they divulge too soon Good luck Minty

I know how you feel, about the pieces of the puzzel. every person that has tried me realy gets a different personality each time. this combination with that one, that one with the other. Its so Bothersome! And about the,giving the whole puzzel to one person, yeah. I wish i could do that. I just think that if i do. they'll get scared and judge me, just like a book. So trust me. your not the only one.

I am so there, and have been there for years, i've had so much happen in my life. i hid the biggest piece for prob 11 yrs. and once it was out there my family just ignored it. alls i wanted was somebody to try. =[ feeling alone is the worst feeling. but know you aren't i know we don't know each other but i am here if you need an ear to listen. i will never say i completely understand cause no one ever will. but i do understand to some extent because i have/am in a similar spot<br />
~always here to listen

you have a great way with words =] and u make alot of sense =]

Orionsreverie, I have been called a chameleon too. Im good at fitting in but no one really fits with me. <br />
Fennella, your definately not the only one out there who feels this way. I struggle with it every second...its lonely and cold sometimes.

i understand u on that. ive felt the same. that noone bother to really care bout the issues that i had. but somebody did care n wanted to help me all the way. theres gonna b that person for u one day. mayb u should work on some of your puzzle pieces before giving someone the whole box. u have to be patitence with ppl. work on u for awhile. then u can feel more comfortable with yiurself around others. try to b different n than 2months later u change personalities on them n confuse em.

I like your puzzle analogy. What you said was well put. I shared some very personal things about myself with someone who was a very dear friend to me...someone whom I thought I could share anything with and she wouldn't judge me for it. Now, this woman appeared to be the most loving, kind and compassionate friend that you could ever meet. Sadly, I was gravely mistaken about her. I found out later that she gossiped to other people about me, made everything nice that I ever did for her, appear to be abnormal, then made a false claim that I was stalking her, to get me shunned from her church. She overanalyzed everything that I ever said and did and made me out to be a crazy person. All I want is a friend that knows all about me and doesn't judge me, but rather understands me and genuinely cares about me. I'm afraid that I'll never find that friend because I'm afraid of giving any of my puzzle pieces away to anyone now. I'm afraid of overwhelming them and scarring them off. I feel exactly like you do.

Everyone wants to be understood and there is something very attractive about people who clearly take the time to try to understand you. I hope in 2010 I will become better at trying to understand and love people. And maybe one day someone I like will turn around and do the same thing for me, that would be nice. :)

o my gosh....ur problem is so much like mine.ur stuck trying to find who should help you but yet you lack to find that person. everyperson on this earth cannot take a black one but can only handle the light blue and think ur absolutely crazy when u hand them the turqouise im so sorry that u have to go throught that but every one knows life is not a slice of cake.

if you need someone to talk to, you can talk to me.

A bit late to the game.. but for anyone still reading this thread.<br />
<br />
What you've communicated is that you give a slightly different version of yourself depending on what you think another person can handle. You've segmented yourself into pieces and you wonder why no one has taken the time to put them together to see the big picture. In the same breath you're afraid people won't like particular pieces of you because a few times you've shown people things and they didn't deal with it well.<br />
<br />
For starters let me welcome to life. Hi! *waves* Here in life no one will like absolutely everything about you... ever. The good news is, that doesn't matter. We choose our friends and our relationships based on our feelings of their sum as a whole (we'll get back to this statement). <br />
<br />
Example: <br />
I like more about this person than I dislike... bingo we're friends. <br />
I dislike more about this person than I like.. probably not someone I want to hang out with.<br />
<br />
..and then there's everything else in between and you factor in that people change, moods change, circumstances change... oh dear.. it's a wonder any of us ever get along for any amount of time. =)<br />
<br />
I know it's not as black and white as that statement but it really is that simple. While a full disclosure right off the bat is more information than any one person could digest in one sitting, the best policy is to be open and more importantly whole and let people make an informed decisions about you. Just as you should expect to from them. Sitting and waiting for that special person to come along and care more about you than you care about yourself, isn't gonna happen, and if it does.. well that's an unhealthy co-dependent relationship and you just bought yourself a whole new set of problems.<br />
<br />
“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.” - Dr. Seuss

I appreciate your sense of metaphor and I understand that the average person can't take on much of others. It seems that most people are too selfish to stick around when it taxes them.

Thank you all for your comments! :) orionsreverie... I think you just wrote part 2 to my story, I feel exactly like you do!

I like the puzzle analogy. My dad calls me the chameleon because I'm always changing depending on who I'm with. I seem to fit in anywhere with anyone, yet there's that emptiness inside because no one fits in with me. I may be able to analyze others and understand why they do the things they do, but where's the person that's able to do that for me?

I understand how you feel..especially with giving a few select the dark pieces and then totally regretting it.

i get it why do we have to hide who we are

I understand you completely. : )