Is That Too Much to Ask?

I feel that I'm a puzzle. Whenever a new person enters my life, I make a quick estimate of the person, try to figure out, just how much information of me is this person is going to handle and make the adjustments to the basic puzzle and hand it over for the person to solve. I feel that if I would give all the pieces for my puzzle that person would get overwhelmed and would probably turn around and run away without even trying to solve the puzzle.

I wish there would become a time that I could just give the whole box, without thinking and over-analyzing the pieces first. That there would be a time that I wouldn't have to try to hide all those dark pieces that form the bottom of puzzle. I have handed those dark pieces to some people that I've thought that would be able to handle it, but most times I've regretted doing so. I feel like I'm scrabbling, trying to keep those dark pieces in my hand as long as I can... as soon as they are on the table I feel that it's close to game over for me. Then there are some turquoise pieces that I do not dare to give to my relatives... they would probably think that I'm totally insane.

So where does all this piece hoarding lead me? I feel so incomplete, unfinished. There's lots of different versions of me, but nobody seems to finish the whole puzzle! I'm not asking them to solve the puzzle all alone, I'd be more than ready to help them, if they would only ask! Could you handle all the pieces and solve this puzzle?

Fennella Fennella
31-35, F
35 Responses Jun 7, 2008

Thank you all for your comments! :) orionsreverie... I think you just wrote part 2 to my story, I feel exactly like you do!

I like the puzzle analogy. My dad calls me the chameleon because I'm always changing depending on who I'm with. I seem to fit in anywhere with anyone, yet there's that emptiness inside because no one fits in with me. I may be able to analyze others and understand why they do the things they do, but where's the person that's able to do that for me?

I understand how you feel..especially with giving a few select the dark pieces and then totally regretting it.

i get it why do we have to hide who we are

I understand you completely. : )