As a Musician, I Am So Misunde...

As a musician, I am so MISunderstood... We are a different breed of people... and usually thought of as a bit 'off'.  But nevertheless, I would love it if just ONE person understood me... the WHOLE me... unfortunately, I don't let people see the WHOLE me... so I guess it will never happen....
Cheleanne Cheleanne
66-70, F
2 Responses Jul 11, 2007

You have a point there Constant. So here goes... Ok, I'm a 43 yo woman with 2 girls 6 & 9. I messed up my first marriage of 16 years. No children from that. Was told couldn't conceive... so well, they lied! <br />
I have always wanted to be a singer so I went to Nashville and recorded a country CD... it was phenominal! I had 2 top 100 hits in Canada and it was the time of my life. I was even starting to plan a tour!! <br />
Anyway, I messed up that marriage on the internet - who would've guessed eh? The tour never happened - I ended up getting pregnant with my first daughter. My daughter's father and I were living together and a week before she was born, he left - and I haven't seen him since. That will be 9 years ago tomorrow. Wow - time flies.....<br />
Well, I was raising my little girl by myself - I had to get out of music because I didn't have the money then - working 4 jobs (2 of which I could take her with me to work) and trying to make a life for us in a new Province. <br />
Things were actually going along quite well... I was making the bills and living ok - we never had a want for food, heat, or shelter... or anything really. I managed to make enough to keep my car on the road and in gas to get to my jobs. It was so hard... so very hard... and I always wondered if I was hurting my baby by working so much. I was always tired but tried to have quality time with her every day.<br />
One day I was cruzing the net and met my current husband. We got together and lo and behold, I had another daughter. After 18 months together, he proposed the week my divorce became final...<br />
Ok, I'm probably missing things here and there because my memory is so bad these days... but my husband was never sexual... although I thought he was...from his tones and his touch - but hardly ever sexual. In fact, I keep telling him it's a wonder we had a baby together!! If I had foreseen the future, I don't think I would have chosen to marry him. Now I'm in limbo... and having an affair that is going to hurt everyone involved. I may just stop the affair - but that doesn't help these feelings. So, there in a nutshell Constant, is my life....not great - but I suppose it could be worse. I just can't imagine it could be worse right now....<br />
I've tried to talk to hubby about his lack of drive but just says that he's stressed, tired, or his back hurts. Man, if I had a nickel.....

i'm sure you don't share your entire self out of a protective mode of sorts. however, you are your own worst enemy by doing so. no one can ever be expected to truly understand someone or something they know very little about. that's what is so lovely about this site ... you CAN be who you truly are and without that unapproving judgement society is so willing to share with us in real life. the anonymity also allows for you be yourself and maintain protected, not having to worry about trust issues that usually arise in real life. so ... let it out - let it ALL out so those of us who will and do understand can reach out and make true connections on a deeper level. there's nothin' to lose!