i want to be numb

So there's this ex, we were together on and off for over 2 years. He broke up with me for the 3rd time(Sept.2009). The reason we broke up is because we were in a long distance relationship and he hated it. He replaced me after a month. His reason was because "I don't wanna be alone". He put me on ignore for 3 months. He talked to me again(Jan. 2010). He said no matter how much he tried getting over me, he just can't. He said he still loves me, can't live without me and he wants to marry me. He pretty much said all the right words to make me fall all over again. Well I'm not over him actually. When he said all those words, he was still with his girlfriend. He said he will break up with her soon. Anyway, to make the story short, the other night, we were talking about trying to make things work. He said he is willing and he can, if I can compromise. So I said yes. Everything was going well, until he asked me something silly. I asked him what is it for and then he got mad at me. He said I suck at life and even the simplest task I can't even do. He said I'm horrible, that he wants to put a bullet in my head so he doesn't have to deal with me being stupid, and that I drive him insane. He said, "I've never loved and hated someone so much and its ******* with my head!"
He told me to stop talking to him and to go eat **** and die. And I was speechless. I mean how can he say he can't live without me when just because of stupid stuff he said all those words to me. in the span of 15 minutes.
He said he won't talk to me for the next 3 days because he is pissed off at me. Meaning he needs space. so even if it's hard for me. he can have his space.

The next day (yesterday), I found out he and his girlfriend broke up. I don't know if its because of that, that he got pissed off that easily or everything he said to me about still loving me are all just lies..

I've been blinded by my feelings for him that I don't even care if he treats me like crap but after that night, I keep telling myself, not to let my heart run my life. The whole day, I had to keep saying that reasons over feelings, mind over heart..

I don't understand. I am hurt. How can he snap at me just like that..? I am not sure anymore if he still loves me or he said all of it out of anger. I'm not sure either if I should give up and move on or hold on. give him space to think..

justcantlivealie justcantlivealie
18-21, F
1 Response Feb 11, 2010

Sounds like he's bipolar...and I'm not just saying that.