Trying To Overcome A Nasty Marriage And Divorce

I was divorced in 1997 after twelve miserable years.  During that time my ex was abusive toward my children ane me.   I'm remarried to an amazing person who willing has walked through the fire with me.  This has been so hard.  There's been legal fall-out.  I still feel the shame, hurt, and worthlessness I felt when I was married to my ex. 

I honestly, don't know how to shake his negative, nasty comments where I no longer feel them.  I guess I wanted to talk to others who have shared my experience and have made it through to the other side of this. 

dvorcd dvorcd
1 Response Feb 25, 2010

Hello, I just wrote a small item (my first here) on my experiences with my ex partner. I found that a year on i'm still struggling with issues of self esteem and confidence, but each day I have reason to feel better. each day i accomplish something that really just sticks two fingers up to me ex! Bit by bit i'm seeing his words and abuse for what they were, his inability to see his own failures. His desperate need to maintain and control his own self worth, which I realise were very low. Thats why he needed to treat me (and all the others in his life) with total disrespect, it made him 'the bigger' man to belittle me. Once I started to understand WHY he was/is this way, it helped me build my own foundations again. THE ACTIONS OF AN ABUSER ARE ABOUT THEM-NOT YOU. Its THEIR insecurities that drive them to treat others they way they do. There is always that nagging fear in the back of our minds that actually we are as they told us, but little by little the truth grows bigger and their words grow smaller. I feel for you, its hard to explain, like a kind of brainwashing by someone who supposedly loved us.