Misunderstood

I have always felt like I am the most misunderstood person on the planet.  Some of this is my fault, since I'm a private person and don't like revealing all aspects of my life/thoughts/etc/ to people.  Though, sometimes I don't explain things thought because I don't even realize that they need explaining.  It isn't until much later that I realize that someone has the complete wrong idea about something I said or how I acted.   But some of this is also other people's fault - people like to snap judge and jump to conclusions.

 

Part of my problem is that I have a lot of layers to myself.  What you see on the surface is a lot cleaner than what's underneath.  On the surface, people see me as a young, attractive woman with a good education (all my education, including law school, was private school), and a stable family (parents have been married for about 40 years).  While that all sounds great, no one knows the social pain I experienced growing up.  I was shy and sensitive, and wasn't really popular.  Some people saw me as a geek, others branded me as a **** (promiscious person  - but I didn't sleep with anyone until I was 25).  All the rejection that I have experienced has made me into a somewhat shy adult - and of course people think that the young, pretty girl isn't being friendly because she is stuck up, and not because she is insecure.

I explained to my boyfriend about the pain I had growing up. He actually told me that he just couldn't see it.  He asked me that if all the rejection that I experienced was because I was mean to people.  I wish I was bold enough to have been mean to people :)

No one has understood me completely yet.  It's going to take someone a lot of time to understand me completely... and it will take a lot of trust in the other person for me to open up completely.

OliviaHart OliviaHart
26-30
2 Responses Mar 13, 2010

Hi Maddog<br />
<br />
Yeah, growing up I was also one of the smart kids. I got picked on by people who definitely didn't do as well in school.... but they were "popular". It was interesting though because the popular people really weren't all that attractive or even had that much going for them. They were just loud and knew how to make others feel inferior. <br />
<br />
Have you ever tried to explain your past to your partner, so that they can try to understand you better?

again - what you're saying seems so much that I can relate to.<br />
I moved around from school to school quite a lot when I was young and so didn't get to form any long term or close friendships, then I went to a country boarding school where I was spurned because I was from the city and one of the "smart ones" (I was on a scholarship) and therefore a teacher's pet.<br />
Even now my partner seems to get completely the wrong meaning from me from my words or actions, but it has made me realize I have to be much more careful with these.<br />
It'd be great to have someone who can completely accept and understand you but that seems to me to be only a dream.