I really think I would enjoy actually believing in some sort of a god, and being a part of a religious community. I love the music, and the American cultural history of community churches. But I cannot get myself to believe what seems like a strange and sinister fantasy tale to me. Especially Christianity. So much violence. Why would a god kill his only son out of love? That's love? Come on! And that whole armageddon business is ridiculous--Tolkien may as well have written it. And what of all the strange and miraculous things that happened so long ago, but not today? And why would a god be so remote and so difficult to grasp, but demand that his creations believe in him in order to win his favor? It doesn't seem fair or just, and therefore I can't believe that anything that ridiculous and sinister could actually be based upon fact. Pillars of salt, parted seas, multi-headed dragons, dead people rising up again--and I am supposed to believe it all even with warnings to be wary of false prophets? Where's the sense? I'd sure like to believe, but if there truly is a god who expects me to believe in him, he's going to have to be a bit more frank with me than these fairy tales and frightening religious nuts are.