My Higher Force.

I cant put my hand on my heart and truly believe I am where I am today without some kind of help along the way.  I mean the help from up above, some people call their God by a personal name, am not sure if the name is really important as long as you know what your talking about.   When I was a little girl around the age of seven, I went to a convent and was brought up by nuns, they were called The sisters of charity I think, and living in their life means you have God in your face everyday,   Dont get me wronge, I have become the kind considerate and loving person that I am today thanks to some of the teachings I have been taught, but the strict catholic up bringing that I have had has not made me feel that for sure I believe in their God.   I am moving more towards the notion of believing in a little bit of everything, even down to faries and banshees,I know for sure that the beast lives and if that is so, then there has to be an oppisite, I believe in angels and people that have moved over the other side can sometimes give us signs or warnings, but I dont know about this big man called God, I want to get closer to Jeasus more because it was he that suffered for our sins, and I know from some where else that you cant talk to God without asking Jeasus first, but how can I when I dont even feel Jeasus, I have read my bible and still do, and yes I have to admit it is a book designed for us humans to follow and live by its word, I can do this to a certain degree but always come to a stand still,  Oh well, untill next time...
rosygal rosygal
46-50, F
7 Responses Jul 27, 2007

You have brought tears to my eyes with your beautiful words, you have just took so much pressure from me by writing them wordsm I lost my mother when I was 18 months old, and maybe this is why I am always searching for guidence, but you saying that god knows what is in my heart, and that the bible is like a map has really put things in perspective for me, thank you so much, xx

glad this ahs been spoken about.i dont believe in god as such parents are religious.i think forces of some kind are helping guide us .only sometimes mind you when we need help.they could be angels ,guides,spirits.who can say.but its a faith i have an i happy prob plenty of these things.i cant see how one man can look out for us all.i tried reading the bible.its hard to read.the words in someplaces though are very wise an its a good selfhelp book i i do have faith.but not in the god sense either. x

Thanks everyone, and guess what, I have been without my computer for one whole week, but besides that, I have lived without my demon that temps me to my destruction of my fragile life, also. when I got my computer back, I did not relize that I wrote these stories that u have comented on, people like you, restore people like me, thank you all for your sincere words, and yes, for some season, I always say the Our father prayer, because someone once told me, you can never speak to God nor Jesus if u dont say the Our father, is this true, I dont know, but just to be on the safe side, I always speak this prayer.

rosy, sure sounds 2 me like u beleive in Jesus. Although Catholicism might not be the right way of worshipping for you. Try and look at religion from an individual standpoint and know that if you welcome the lord into your life, and speak to him, he will listen and watch over you. Love Tammie x

He is a thought in the back of my mind, how is that.

Thanks for giving me a bit more of an Insite to how I feel, In a way I wish I could have that feeling you both have of knowing your God is with you, I only believe he is with me because I really dont feel him, I have never felt that Jesus is with me and to be honest, apart from knowing about how he grew up, I have never felt him at all. I know my God is there because if he never was that I wouldnt feel like hes give up on me because I am such a hypocrite to my self, why should he stay and listen to my empty promises that I tell him just to make my self feel beter. I know I have done this many times, and I am still make believing that am trying to change my ways, but I fail all the time and I feel ashamed and want to hang my head down low for pretending to be someone that I am not in front of the Lords eyes. I dont blame him for my faults, He gave me choices in life and I have choosen how I have walked my paths in life but I need guidence and I feel nothing, where has my angel gone,

That was beautiful. I totally understand where you're coming from, because I have just recently found God, and up until then, have questioned how any of it could be real. I beleive in the power of prayer, and talking to God. Since I write a lot better than I speak, I write to God in my jorunals. Sometimes I write to Him for hours, and one time in particular, something amazing happened to me, and that was how I first began to beileve that He was real. I beleive in fairies and angels, however, not ghosts. But my advice would be to go listen to someone who really has a passion for what they're talking about. God is not a person, not an angel, not a ghost, not a cloud of wind, He is there, and in everything. But most importantly, He gets to us through our hearts. I f you have an open, seeking heart, He will come. You will feel Him when you find Him. Sort of like the feeling you have in your heart and lungs when you have a huge-crush/true-love on someone. For me, it was my pastor Jon who led me to God. When I accepted Jesus as my savior, I did not feel Him, nor God, but I accepted Him into my life, and eventually, I felt them both. I think you don;t have to feel Jesus or God deeply to accept them. I think feeling them is what comes second, after you've accepted them. It takes time. And prayer, and friends who will give you encouragement. I wish you luck on this, because after what I have experienced, I cannot even begin to describe the changes that have gone on in my life. I have a whole nother speil on the bible, but I'll save that for another time. For now, take care, and best wishes!!