I Feel Sad When I Think About It

Last spring, it got really obvious. Every time there was a particular kind of female anywhere around us my husband acted like he was in love....kind of. When you have been married or in a relationship long enough you get to know the person, and their responses, body language, "energy", etc. In this case, every time a young, fit, blonde female, usually wearing a pony tail....was anywhere around my husband acted like the world needed to stop. I can't really explain it, because it is sort of a gut feeling. I even had to decide, in order not to feel so bad, that I didn't want to be anywhere in public with him. Alone together he was fine. But then, out and about, boom....there she would be. Not even the same chick every time. So I began to think there must be somebody at work that he was in lust with, that had gotten his attention, and every time he saw some female that reminded him of "her" his heart would practically stop. It wouldn't have been so bad if, at the same time, he didn't look at me with such disdain. His vibes would be kind of like, "you are such a cow!" So I don't look like I did when I was 20 years old. And that chick won't look like that when she is in her fifties. Get over it. Lots of guys look at me still, like I am still attractive to the male gender. People usually think I am much younger than I am, and that he is older than me. So if his taste is now that he wants to lust after somebody who is not only younger, but slim, and blonde, and then look at me like I am trash? I have black eyebrows and I am not going to dye my hair, O.K.? So I finally confronted him about it. This is a man who will go to his death with a half-truth, instead of telling the truth about this....i know from other things that have happened. I basically made it clear that when I am financially able to support myself, I will leave if this is continuing to be a problem. "you will be free, my dear....." And I still feel that way. Even though he daily tells me about how much he loves me, and blah blah blah. After I spoke with him about it, and made it clear that he would be free to pursue his new lust interest some day, he quit doing "that" to me....looking at me like I was trash. And at the same time saying words of "love"....they didn't match...and I was feeling kind of crazy. His father divorced his mother and immediately married a blond female with long hair, kind of like the chicks he has a heart attack over. Maybe he is just following in his father's footsteps. I say, "good luck" and I am looking forward to being financially able to give him this freedom, even though he now uses words to try to prove his devotion to me. Pretty much, my gut feeling has been accurate in my adult life, so here I am being told to reject my gut feeling. Well, I guess we shall see.
I just needed to get that off my chest
creatingharmony creatingharmony
51-55, F
1 Response Nov 27, 2012

Got it off your chest and good for you. I believe in going with your gut feeling as it's when you don't you land in hot water. Never allow anyone to undermine your intelligence by trying to make you believe what you know in your gut. Never allow anyone the power over your emotions enough to make you ever feel less than you know you really are. Make choices for yourself that are good for you.

When i go against my gut, I always end up regretting it. I have no choice but to think of myself right now, because the alternative is to sit here and die.

Seems like the law of the universe this gut thing. Almost like a built in intener for us to get direction from.