Only If I Could Change Things.............

Mar 21st, 2009 Why did this happen to me?

 I have had a hell of a life!! I always tried to give my girls a better one than I had. My mother and I didn't have a relationship until my father left her after being married for 36 years! And even then I felt like it was my obligation to take care of her since she did bring me into the world. She became a daily part of my life. Like another child to me! I took her every where she needed to go, was there for all her doctors appointments. I lived in the hospital for 7 months in 1996, she had a quad. heart bypass. I can go on and on, but bottle line is i had to devote my life to her as well as try to take care of my girls by myself. There father was very abusive and I left him several times before he broke my arm in 2 places and put stitches in my hand a week later. He came so close to killing me 3 times that he had put me in a trash bag once and was taking me to the lake to throw me in there to sink.After having 3 ectopic pregnancies from abuse, I had my tubes burned and I pay for that now! but I never regretted leaving him and having to struggle with my girls. On Dec. 5,2003 my mother was diagnosed with pneumonia, they went in to suction some fluid from her lungs, but they soon found out that instead of it being fluid it was cancer. And from that procedure they had spread the cancer to her lungs, stomach, and kidneys. There is so much other drama going on in my life at the same time! I had such a good relationship with her the last 2 years of her life! But for so many of them I hated her for what she allowed my father to do to me when I was a child. I blamed her for giving me and a brother and sister to the state so she could be with him. A couple of years after she was gone, I realized maybe she did that because she felt she was doing the best thing she could for us! We never seen or heard from my father after he left in 1991. My mother died Jan. 5, 2004 and my father died Feb.13, 2005. My sister found  out he had died the day of his funeral. Out of the 10 kids they shared, only 2 of us made to the funeral because we had no idea what was going on in his life. But enough of that, I was trying to say I wanted better for my kids but after 10 years of hell and drama with their father (he didn't want to be their father, he just didn't want my husband to be either) he managed to kidnap them and then convince the court that I was a bad mother by lies! The day I was told they were going to remain with him was the worse day of my life. I can't tell you all the stuff he has put me and my family through! I am so angry with God for allowing such a terrible thing happen to me, but why let them be hurt too?  

special0718 special0718
31-35, F
1 Response Mar 21, 2009

Sometimes, God allows pain in our lives so we can comfort and counsel others who hurt as well. I have had a painful childhood, not because of any fault of my parents, but because of a deformity In one of my legs. I believe it was part of God's plans for my life. He showed up in my life-unannounced and ready to comfort and help me.<br />
Now, He can use my life to show others that no matter how painful life is, He is there to take us through life 's problems as our friend, and as our savior.<br />
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God is not the one who brings hurt, pain, or evil into our lives- the devil does, but God allows it to further his purposes for our lives. Trust him to see you through. He never fails. He never changes- He's the same yesterday, today, and forever. Praise his name! God Bless you and continue to take care of your girls. You are their best example of what a mother should be!