Im A Loser

Its true. and after I tell you my story, you’ll prolly want to kill me yourself. You see it all started in my childhood when I was locked in my room with no food. I began to understand that I didn’t matter and that my life was for crap. then my dad didn’t want me and I ended up in various group homes and placements and hospitals where I got on everyone’s nerve as and no one liked me. now this wasn’t a delusion in my mind it was true. you see I have come to realize that noone really likes me for long. I have no idea why. so anyway I have never been able to keep a job because I am lazy. it is so painful for me to do any real work that without help I can't get it done. now I have drawn unemployment for a year and I am so fat I cant walk down the street. my wife has to work and clean and make supper while I play video games or watch TV. I am a loser.
so anyway I think it would be better if I was to die and thats why i wanna kill myself. The bills are piling up and all the money goes toward my dipping habit. But I cant work hell I can barely walk because I ate my self into submission. My wife deserves better than me. So I am thinking about poison. I don’t have a gun because I am a felon. Yeah maybe poison. The other day my wife wanted to make love. But i am to fat. so now she ha to live with nothing but a fat slob who can't even pleasure her. My selfishness has no bounds. I hate myself. I just wanna go away so everyones life can be better. Because all my life all i have done is bring people down. I lived witha woman who i mentally abused to the point she wanted to commit suicide. she took a bunch of pills and almost died. shes prolly still messed up.
I can't belive someone like me even deserves to be alive. poison sweet sweet poison. just gotta find some.
firstman692002 firstman692002
2 Responses Aug 2, 2010

Although the skies around us darken<br />
And tempests do arise,<br />
We shall always be kept safe,<br />
For in God’s grace we shall abide.<br />
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Oh when the light of day has faded<br />
When darkness there shall be,<br />
Jesus Christ will light the way,<br />
And He shall guide our weary feet.<br />
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Although the tides of time have washed,<br />
Away these earthly shores,<br />
We will rise above the waves,<br />
In Christ our hope forevermore.<br />
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We are all basically shattered glass with jagged and broken edges. Our only hope is in the one who walked through live without even chipping or cracking, and yet was shattered for us. If we turn to Him we will be made whole and perfect (no matter how broken we are).

This is your wife. I love you, Big Daddy. And you are the most important person in my life. I love you and will support you in any way I can to get better. You are my world and our kids' hero. I'm getting off the computer now to hug you.