I Don't Think There Is Any Other Option

Ive already written about this, but I am losing hope for a miracle. I just made the finishing touches on my "suicide box" or goodbye capsule if you will, today. Letters to my family members, every last one of them, old friends, pictures, and a few other things.and wrapped it all in plastic and it's in a sturdy snap up box so nothing will get damaged..it will never be enough, but it gives me some solace knowing they will get it. I just hope to god nether of my parents destroys the contents out of anger with me...that would be horrific, I spent a lot of time and heart into those letters and I want everyone to get theirs and read it and keep it. *sigh*. I don't understand why this is happening to me, I have been a good person my whole life..more than good, not perfect, but pretty darn good on the inside.
SkippingTheGoldenYears SkippingTheGoldenYears
18-21, F
18 Responses Apr 2, 2012

I feel the same! Did you finally escape? I'm still waiting for my opportunity...

It is the good ones that always seem to persecuted. I think the capsule is what made me read this. I've never heard of anybody doing that. I think if you are that creative and loving, that death doesn't deserve u. Life needs u more.

Don't please. Things will get better for u. Life needs u. Is there a friend u can talk to? If not , u can message me.

hey! wake up! dont be such a loser! we were choose to live in this world once! and u give up easily? at that age?? oh my, wake up girl! everybody had their problem, mistake, hard time! but, this is y we were chosen to live in tis world!
i think u shud try to have a faith in religion. take a peace of mind. religion is a place to endure those pain... seriously u will thank me if u did it...

sry for broken eng... and i think i already late... u post in april.. mybe u already gone..zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

I know how this feels. And I, too, have made something like this, and I cannot even force myself to do away with that. However, I am fighting as hard as I can to stay alive, to finish college, to get out of this hell I am in (living with the roommate i have and his family is hell on me because of how surreal it is of situation cus both my roommate and his family are psychotic in behaviour and ways). Anyway, it seems like in life no matter what i do, to try to get ahead that I am just spinning my wheels and getting nowhere. But, I am trying, giving it one last hope, though i am so close to giving up. But, I am trying. I guess my point is that I understand being so close and trying to hold on, still. I am reaching out to you to let you know that someone else does understand what this is like and that i am here for you-as best I can be, anyway-and that I will try as best I can be to be here for you. Maybe, together, we can keep each other going and give each other strength to continue on? :)

Having a bad day? Put your hand on your heart. Feel that? That’s called purpose. You’re alive for a reason. Don’t give up... ♥

Hugs to you, hon. Sometimes, for no reason, it happens. But, getting help could help fix it from happening, further. Suicide isn't the answer, I'm told, hon.

I know your wating for a miracle but, please don't loose hope yet. Sometimes it takes time, lots of time. And sometimes the miracle doesn't come to you. Sometimes you may have to go find ot yourself. Don't give up yet. Don't make a permenate solution to a temporay problem. If you do you don't only end all the bad stuff but, you end all the good stuff that life provides you too. Think about how much you would miss your family. I know it may seem like there is no hope now but, there will be one day, like I said it just takes time. Please be patient and wait for something good to come out of this storm. If you end everything you never know what could have been.

it's not worth it I feel sad too sometimes but you work through it and in the end there is good things that will happen

dont do it, i dont want you to die

You will have me to answer to if you do it and you don't want that !

Kitteh Rage?!?! :0

wow a lot of folks sure love you. I know you cant live for others. I also know there is nothing I can say to make your life better. sucks hairy sweaty balls all around. and here I was just getting to know you. if someone as young and smart and cool as you wants to end it all what excuse to I have to be breathing? suicide is contagious you know. you never know what effect that last splash might have in the lives of others. I hope you find peace in your heart no matter what you decide.

Aww thanks...I don't think they love me that much lol...yes life does indeed suck hairy sweaty balls...couldn't have said it better myself *sigh* I'm trying, I really am

Well, I can honestly understand how you feel. I myself have tried to kill myself. Remember when I wrote about downing one bottle of rum in one go? I was hoping to get an alcohol intoxication. That was because it seemed as if I lost all my friends, my family was of no help either because they couldn't understand me, I was always different and we had a relationship that you could barely call a relationship. I was still crying over the fact that the girl I loved turned me down and basically called me a stalker and I thought it would be the best solution to down the stuff, fall asleep and die due to the temperatures, a nice and peaceful death. <br />
As I tried it however, my body simply refused to die. I tried it, believe me, but my body just didn't want to die, eventually I could no longer keep it in and threw up. After that I fell asleep and thought it would finally be over. In that time I had a dream. It was nothing like a religious revelation or a vision, I just saw all the injustice in this world. I saw how pathetic I was for what I tried to do, I saw how much worse the situation of many others was.<br />
I saw how I could still change something by living. All I have to do is taking the chance. After this I woke up and now it really felt like dying. However, I understand what my subconcious or god or whatever else it might have been wanted to tell me: "Pull yourself together and fight! You are pathetic as you are now, you are feeling down because of things that you could easily change if you really wanted to and you just complain about how bad everything is. Are you ******* blind?! There is beauty all around you, look at the nature, look at yourself, your heart!<br />
You think that you should just end your life and everything would get better? Running from a problem never solved anything, you should know this best, shouldn't you? So you made many mistakes and your body looks ugly like hell. So what? Do you think that this world will change if you just run away? Do you want others go through the same sufferings you have endured? If that is the case you are not a bit better than those who bring the suffering.<br />
But if you want to change something, you have to survive and fight! Fight for yourself, fight for others that are feeling the same way you did! You think there is no way back? I will tell you something, there is always a way back, you ******* idiot! Your body may stay the same, but weren't you the one who said that appearance was unimportant? So you did the same as those who bullied you to others? Pathetic, that I must admit, but there is still a way back<br />
You should just kill yourself, really, but not in a physical sense. You should kill all these parts of you that want you to kill yourself, burn all the parts that you think are bad! Burn yourself until there is nothing but ashes left. It is painful to burn yourself, you should know it, right? It is, I won't deny this. But after all of it is burned, all of you is burned, you get a second chance.<br />
Rise from these very ashes of yourself, rise like a phoenix from your ashes. Death is nothing you should fear or welcome, it will come when it is the time. But until then you should do what you think is right. If you really think it would be better to kill yourself, go ahead. But if this made you think about it and you want to stop running, go ahead and fight with all you have!"<br />
This is basically the reason why I am still here, posting things. I did go through the process of burning the aspects of me that made me miserable. I learned to stand up, I apologized to all the people that I commited crimes against and I learned to help them. I helped others to understand persons such as myself and I helped other bullies that were like me before all this to understand their way was wrong, if they would listen. <br />
I will not tell you that everything will be better just because of this. Some of the bullies refused to abandon their way and I had to fight with them, they still didn't want to understand it, but my friends back then helped me and were there for me. I still felt miserable for quite some time and it took a lot of time to learn to live again, to enjoy life and it's true beauty.<br />
Why I am telling you this? I won't insult you the way I insulted myself. I won't try to kick you in the behind as I did with myself. I won't tell you not to kill yourself if you really want to. All I am doing is trying to give you another opition, showing you another way. This way is probably not yours, everyone has to walk on his own way. By this I show you how much I trust you in return for entrusting us with these stories and your heart. I would prefer it if you live, as all of us would.<br />
You are a great person on the inside, that much I learned in the short time I spent here after coming back. I think it would be a real shame if you died, you could still archieve so much and you might even be able to find happiness one day. I hope you don't take my rant above personal, it was not directed at you, it was directed at myself back then.<br />
You and the other persons on this board are the first ones that get to hear this story, I think it might help you to hear how others found their way to some sort of happiness in order to find your own, if you decide to live. I hope none of you will abuse my faith in this community like others did before you. With this said, walk on your own way and find your personal path to happiness, if that will be suicide, so be it. If it will be standing up and fighting, so be it. If it will be none of these, so be it, just try to find your own happiness.

I'm weird I believe everyone should have a right to terminate their life if they are determined to have a chronic degerative disease or illness that likely will not be successfully treated or have symptoms fully "managed"...I am a rare minority that also believes some mental illness can qualify under those terms. <br />
<br />
Noone should be a prisoner of their own life. <br />
<br />
I'm not going to give you the "things will get better" or the "think about how the people you leave behind will feel" speech.<br />
<br />
I'm going to tell you that if your decision is to end your life and you've tried every other option and experienced no relief then I respect your choice.<br />
<br />
However you don't just owe your loved ones a "goodbye" letter, at the very least you owe it to them to be honest. You owe them the truth. The truth of how you're feeling and what you plan to do. You owe them the chance to know you, to understand you and to love you, and you need to give them the respect to allow them to respond to you. <br />
<br />
You've put a lot of thought and effort in preparing a "exit box" so its clear you want your loved ones to "hear your side", you want to give them some understanding, you want them to know "the truth" , knowing how important it is to you to be able to share that with them don't you think it is just as important to them t

My parents already know the truth, they are finished with me and done...I have no other way out other than drugs so I don't have to feel but I have no access to drugs

I have been off this site for so long and just came back today! I have enjoyed reading lots of your posts...please know that there are really people out there who want you to be around! I feel depressed every day too so know how hopeless everything can seem. Please try hang in there!

Ohh boy, *sighhh* you seem very sure about what you want to do. I know that mindset. When your logic flips from "I cant do that to the ones I love" to "fuckit, they'll get over it, I wont". Hear me out though, you have no idea how much stronger you will become in the next few years. I'm not gonna bullshit you and say that your issues are just gonna disappear. You might deal with these issues for the rest of your life. But there's a chance that you could learn to control your issues more than they control you. There's a wisdom and patience that comes with age that I cant explain. People say adolescence is the best time of your life. Maybe for some, but they weren't for me. They were the worst years of my life. Seems like you're in the same boat. You're smart, funny, honest and I sense a real strength in you. I hope you can dig deep for patience and give yourself more of a chance to move past this.

my darling,my little sister!?<br />
talk to someone any one!

I'm trying, my mom is taking me to another doctor on the twelfth...*sigh*

don't give up,ending it all is not an answer,you just need some time,a friend,just know you're not alone,better days will come,be sure of that my baby sugar!!!:)

Thanks darling brother &lt;3

but why?

Because I am deformed, that's why