Should Have A Long Ago

I don't know will I have the strenght to do it. Under the train. Seems like a good way to me. No chance of surviving it by accident. Fast and painless. I hope I tie all the loose ends before it. Can't bare the thought of leaving my dog, best friend and my three little nephews. But I am so tired. I just want some rest. No point in going on empty and brokenhearted. No peace, no place to call my home...just observing myself deteriorating over the years as if I was watching a stranger I'm indifferent to. It's not fair to the train driver. To impose such a horrible pain on him. Wish I could get a gun, but know no one I could buy it from. Maybe jump off a building or sleeping pills, but that could go wrong and I could survive. Guess I'm open for suggestions. Do share.
Godess4Fun Godess4Fun
36-40, F
2 Responses May 18, 2012

It's never too late to do something you really want. Or accomplish something that you should have done a long time ago.
Especially if you had a partner who wanted the same thing.

hm...you're young, so you believe it's never too late and it's natural that you do. Hope it turns out that way for you. I hope you have a great life, dear! :)

Actually.... I'm ready to go too. I have some ideas on how.

be careful. 80% of attempts end up in some kind of permanent condition u dnt want to live with for the next 50 yrs here... :( If u need someone to talk with, pm me... :)

Ok

hm...you're young, so you believe it's never too late and it's natural that you do. Hope it turns out that way for you. I hope you have a great life, dear! :)

2 More Responses

I am so sorry that you are going through so much pain. I share it and really wish I wasn't here either. Life can be so lonely, so frightening and it never seems to end. Sometimes I envy those born hundreds of years ago, when life expectancy was really low.
Would you not consider staying alive for your nephews? I am so sure that they will always value having a caring and sensitive auntie in their lives. They would be so sad to lose you and the love you so clearly feel for them. Your friend would be devastated as well. I am not saying this to make you feel gulity, but to try to make you see how valued you are.
I did know a lady who survived jumping under a train. My mum did voluntary work in a hospital and one patient had lost her legs after she jumped under a train in her twenties, and then lived the next 60 years in a wheelchair.

God, does this story of the lady who jumped under the train, survived and spent another 60yrs in a wheelchair, sound exactly like something that could happen to me. Thank you for your kind words.