I Failed Once, But Never Again

My first attempt was very abrupt and surprised even me. That I lived annoys me every single day. I don't fail at anything. Ever.

Since my first attempt two years ago was via gunshot, I no longer have access to guns. The past year has been a nightmare in many ways, and the past 4 months a true abyss. For the first time in my life I actually feel depressed.

My therapist knows I feel suicidal. My psychiatrist knows the meds he prescribed are ineffective. I have to check in with them every day. They change my meds like I'm a guinea pig. I feel like I am jumping out of my skin or need to sleep for a week.

The sum of it all is that I am done. Done with being rejected by my guys. Done with my financial issues. Done with being "the woman" at work, the smart one in our department who watches the guys get promoted ahead of her. Done with trying to maintain a house too big for me that I can't sell. Done with being on meds for NO REASON; they seem to make me worse.

So now the issue at hand is the how. And the where.

My planning is almost complete. After today I think I'm about set.
sassyg1rl sassyg1rl
46-50, F
Sep 15, 2012