Into The Ocean, End It All

I keep reading endless blogs and sites about suicide and why I shouldn't be considering it. I've read countless stories on why people want to end it all.. We all have our reasons..

For me, long story short half my stomach is permantly dead from being sick all the time. I've been sick with stomach and intestinal issues all my life. At the peak of testing and my illness, I lost my job and it's been impossible getting work ever since. It's been over three years and i've lost it all. I've also been raped in the past, and bullied terribly in school, but I surived those challenges. I don't think I can survive anymore however..

In the last three years I've become morbidly depressed, to the point where my boyfriend of five years punched me one night me out of frustration of me unable to get better. I did leave, eventually, but now I'm homeless and I have no car. He was taking care of me... Now I am nothing but a burden to all around me.

I could even survive the loss of the love of my life. But I still can't a decent job. I still don't have a car. I'm still homeless. And I've lost all my friends throughout this. And I have to live with this ungodly stomach pain and illnesses for the rest of my life with no cure. I've tried so many times to get help, to get disability, general assistance, medicare, hell even food stamps. It's been a nightmare and each door is locked.

I can't live with this pain, lonliness, and hopelessness any longer. I know I will never be able to work normally again, I will never know the joy of taking care of myself. I will never experience having a family of my own. And no one loves and misses me now anyway, so why not do myself and the country a favor. Lord knows we don't need yet another "parasite" sucking out the money from our entitlment funds. We could use less homeless anyway...

From what I've read, so many of you have kids or families already. You have homes and lives. Please rethink and be grateful you're so lucky..... Maybe some of you can convince me I could still have a life. But honestly I don't think I'm going to make it to the new year. I don't want to watch another sunrise with tears in my eyes again. The best part of my life though has been living on the beaches of the east coast. I want my ashes to be a part of the earth that I love the most...
I have to swim away
homelessandhopeless homelessandhopeless
1 Response Dec 3, 2012

Don't give up yet. Not yet. You've come too far.