If Anyone Could Give Me A Reason To Stay I Would.

I have now tried 4 very serious suicide attempts. Only hospitalised once because I hid the others. Even when hospitalised I lied and was able to go home. I have had a **** 21 years, but that's not what triggered my attempts.

The only person then who knows about this is my partner; I love him with all my heart but I know he is sick of me, we've been together 3 1/2 years. My second ever suicide attempt was when I found out he'd been cheating on me for over 6months, a full on affair that even crossed oceans at times, even went on a holiday together.

After that I overdosed, I was in his flat at the time, he was hesitant about calling for help when I asked him too and the next morning sent me home on the train... He watched me walk into roads without purposely looking.

I forgave him and have since tried twice when things get rocky, I can tell he's just not interested, he brushes it off, even sits texting his mates when I try to ask him for support.

I have no one else, as I mentioned my past is really unstable with friends, family etc. if I just saw once he loved me half as much as I do him, I would fight this. Or if he admitted he doesn't want me I could walk away, but the scraps I get are enough to keep me hanging on, but at the same time I want to die to free him from me.

No one wants me, I give nothing to the world, I want an easy death but even that I've failed at- makes me think even heaven doesn't want me.
Me9900 Me9900
18-21, F
Dec 4, 2012