Everything Is Worthless

Well first of all I was born to two parents who couldn't take care of me right because they were young and stupid. At first they were together and things were okay but when I turned 5 things changed they got a divorce because my birth dad forced my birth mom to have a three way and it made her feel disgusting and she ended up going with the third member of the party. I was left with my b-dad because he lied to my mom saying if she didn't show up to court he would give her custody. With him I was sexually abused by his roommates and some of his girlfriends. I was also always dirty and to top it off sometime he would overdose me on pills to get me to shut up. I got taken away from my parents then and they lost their rights but I always wanted my b mom I would jump out of cars to try to see her and stuff like that. I traveled from home to home getting attached to people then being sent away and feeling like nothing. i was abused teased and laughed at then at 11 I got adopted by my uncle (dad). at first everything was good but then he started to emotionally abuse me called me child of the devil worthless useless stupid fat and I started to believe all of that the worst part is that i couldn't hate him he did so much good for me and i knew he loved me he just got mad... im 18 now and everyone thinks im weird because of my views I feel like no one will ever understand me or like me for all of me. I recently went through a huge heartbreak. I loved this guy and everything was perfect he said he loved me wanted to marry me but his mom hated me. One day he disappeared. It shattered my heart more then it ever was. Im so kind why cant someone love me? Why does everyone break me? I was so happy when I was with him i was losing weight and I was starting to care more about myself but now im just back to how I was and im losing myself again. He was my first and I always wanted to marry that person but now hes gone and my dads still abusing me and im still ******* e n lonely. I wish I could find someone to make me happy again because i cant be happy by myself everything is worthless we just work sleep and die. Im tired so tired of feeling like this I want it to end. I have been trying to kill myself since I was 4 and if I had a gun I would already be dead. Im just tired of people breaking my heart... Sorry for grammar issues just got so caught up in getting this off my chest that I didnt care... Its raw
Suntaria Suntaria
18-21, F
Dec 5, 2012