Sad

I want to commit suicide because I feel as though death is my only option in life. I hate feeling this way every day and I just want it to end. I feel as though I'm holding people back from being happy and if I'm gone, everyone will be better off. I keep wishing that I could die a more natural way, but nothing happens. I'm not afraid to die, but I'm afraid of how I'm going to die. I want it to be quick and painless, but I never go through with it. I've lost everything, my mom, my son, and my father. I don't want to be in this life anymore. Why should I keep living if every morning, I want to crash my car? Why live if at night, I put a fake smile on my face, but look out the window wanting to jump? I just want these thoughts to go away, but no matter what I do, I still have them. I thought being in a relationship would help these thoughts go away, but it's only making them worse. I've tried getting out of the relationship, but if I do, I know I will go through with suicide. I keep getting sick and just want to close my eyes and not wake up. I'm just not happy and nothing will change that.
Toria492 Toria492
18-21, F
Dec 13, 2012