I'm Just Tired Of It All

I've wanted to give up for the past 2 years, but now I want to give up more than ever, but she's keeping me here. I don't think she knows how much I'm struggling, I don't think she realizes just how much I want to give up. If she told me it was okay to let go, I'd be gone. I wish she would say that, I wish she would let me go. You might think it's selfish to want to give up when I have someone who cares, many of you might not have that special someone, but the truth is she doesn't really care, she's just worried about what others will think, yet my mind believes she cares, and hangs on, just for her. I'm either depressed to the point it hurts, or empty and alone. Does she understand it sometimes hurts to breath? Does she understand I just want to curl up in a ball and die? She doesn't, and she never will. I don't want to be here anymore, I have nothing to live for. I use to be afraid of death and dying, but after my suicide attempts, I'm not anymore, and that's the scariest part, I'm not afraid anymore. I'm just afraid of myself, and afraid of hurting her.
An Ep User An EP User
2 Responses Jan 23, 2013

Hello there, I know it was sometime ago you posted this message but in the hope that you will recieve my reply I will continue.
I believe I have experienced something of what you are/were going through. I also have wanted at many times in my life to be dead. Take a look at this:
3 Let the day perish wherein I was born, and the night in which it was said, There is a man child conceived.4 Let that day be darkness; let not God regard it from above, neither let the light shine upon it.5 Let darkness and the shadow of death stain it; let a cloud dwell upon it; let the blackness of the day terrify it.6 As for that night, let darkness seize upon it; let it not be joined unto the days of the year, let it not come into the number of the months. KJV
This is from the Bible, so God knows and understands how you are feeling. The man who spoke these words was a very godly man though God allowed Satan to trouble him and torment him, but Job never cursed the God. All people under certain circumstances would want to die, but though my life was once in a rut and I did not leave the house, (except to into the garden) for two months, and I feared meeting people in case they offended me now I am able to enjoy life. What brought about the change that I would like to invite you to share in? Maybe you have guessed. I found that when I lived for myself my life was tormenting, empty and frightfull, though when I lived for Jesus Christ and to serve others, He gave me a joy and peace that I had not known. When I live for the the benifit of others I cannot consider sucide. I know you said you want to stay alive for the woman in your life, and that is good. You can believe in Jesus that He died to carry your burdens, to provide a means of forgiveness a d to rise again to prove He is the Lord. We can escape God's wrath and have eternal peace. If you become a Christian the bible says that you die anyway, to the person you once where and begin a new life.
20 I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me.21 I do not frustrate the grace of God: for if righteousness come by the law, then Christ is dead in vain. KJV

Hope this is useful to you. Don't be a victim my friend be a victor!

With love Alex

Hello there, I know it was sometime ago you posted this message but in the hope that you will recieve my reply I will continue.
I believe I have experienced something of what you are/were going through. I also have wanted at many times in my life to be dead. Take a look at this:
3 Let the day perish wherein I was born, and the night in which it was said, There is a man child conceived.4 Let that day be darkness; let not God regard it from above, neither let the light shine upon it.5 Let darkness and the shadow of death stain it; let a cloud dwell upon it; let the blackness of the day terrify it.6 As for that night, let darkness seize upon it; let it not be joined unto the days of the year, let it not come into the number of the months. KJV
This is from the Bible, so God knows and understands how you are feeling. The man who spoke these words was a very godly man though God allowed Satan to trouble him and torment him, but Job never cursed the God. All people under certain circumstances would want to die, but though my life was once in a rut and I did not leave the house, (except to into the garden) for two months, and I feared meeting people in case they offended me now I am able to enjoy life. What brought about the change that I would like to invite you to share in? Maybe you have guessed. I found that when I lived for myself my life was tormenting, empty and frightfull, though when I lived for Jesus Christ and to serve others, He gave me a joy and peace that I had not known. When I live for the the benifit of others I cannot consider sucide. I know you said you want to stay alive for the woman in your life, and that is good. You can believe in Jesus that He died to carry your burdens, to provide a means of forgiveness a d to rise again to prove He is the Lord. We can escape God's wrath and have eternal peace. If you become a Christian the bible says that you die anyway, to the person you once where and begin a new life.
20 I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me.21 I do not frustrate the grace of God: for if righteousness come by the law, then Christ is dead in vain. KJV

Hope this is useful to you. Don't be a victim my friend be a victor!

With love Alex