When I was a kid

I used to believe in tomorrow

But promise after promise

With premise after premise

Brought me to no conclusion but sorrow.

Be smart, but not too smart,

Be strong, but only girl strong.

I was wrong.

Tomorrow only came at a cost;

If I bought it

Paying for it

With days wrought with

Tears

Jeers

Confirmed and perpetuated fears

Struggling to push through

With the whys, hows and a whole lot of buts

But then came the cuts.

A moment of peace for a weeks worth of pain

Keeping me sane

With each strike

Getting uglier

And no one to blame

But myself.

The silent war in my head

Getting louder and louder

Increasing with power

Until one day it took over

My head

My body

My heart

I knew where id finish but not where to start.

I was 14 when I first started digging

My own grave

With my thoughts spiraling

I couldn’t see through the haze

So I just kept digging.

I was sent from office to office

From room to room

But it was pointless.

I had dug so deep

The darkness had already begun to consume

What little hope I had left.

Now, at 24, I have dug a hole so deep

That no one can see me

That no one can hear me

That no one can save me

That no one even knows I’m there.

A hole filled with despair and sorrow

And the skeletons of tomorrow that died sometime yesterday.

And yet

I stand here with an aching neck

From looking skywards

Knowing my words

Will never cause the darkness to dissipate.

So I wait.
pondersaurus pondersaurus
26-30, F
Aug 17, 2014