I am a 22 year old server, I always seem like the happiest person to my tables but as soon as I'm out of the restaurant I immediately feel miserable, helpless, worthless, and lonely. I will be with my boyfriend for 4 years in a couple weeks and he treats me like garbage. My friend recently said she cant stand my negativity even though she is quite negative herself and blames other people for her feelings often, is abandoning me with the lease to go live with her fiancee of 2 months, hes more important to focus on so they can get the paperwork and marriage in line so they don't deport him. My boyfriend is siding with my friend and says I am also a angry person and constantly belittles me and it makes me feel scared and helpless. Im attached because Im scared to be with out him and that friend, what if its worse with out them? I have been considering suicide months prior to this and I feel this is just the finale. I cant leave him and I dont feel loved. I grew up in an abusive home and now my family has gotten better and everyone says Im just still left angry with all the abuse. I just want to go and be with my twin who passed away when we were babies.. I wish she was here maybe I would of never met these people, maybe I would have more love and not be alone. Im sorry if I sound whiney I just dont know what to do about this depression anymore Im overwhelmed and want to jump off a cliff. I drink at night usually to sleep and numb the pain but its not working anymore... does anyone else feel like this... Im currently sleeping on a floor with some blankets because my boyfriend doesnt care for me and needs sleep for his trip and I was distracting him by talking about my feelings... why is love so hard to find? is it even real? ;'(
Toxil Toxil
26-30, F
6 Responses Aug 21, 2014

Maybe at least the issue with your friend will go away with time, when they don't have to worry about him getting deported anymore.

You can still meet other people, more dependable ones. There are many ways to meet new interesting people. Do you like to go to dance clubs? You could join some sort of association, church is a popular example (definitely not saying you should go there), or a local Red Cross chapter, this way you can also learn to save lives, or maybe just a book club or something. Of course that way takes time, but if you're willing to invest it... Otherwise maybe write an ad in a newspaper or craigslist or one of these things. There are some smartphone apps which allow you to meet new people easily, Loovoo for example. There are certainly even more ways to meet people for romance or plain friendship. Maybe you'll find someone who'll be better for you than your current boyfriend. But maybe it's also just a temporal issue with your boyfriend? It's always hard to tell from afar. Every partnership hits rough spots sometimes. The great ones are the ones who make it through. He doesn't sound very considerate though.

I have a very dear friend who tried various substances to help her cope with life. She abstained for a very long while, and when she got back on as she hit a particularly severe low just a few days ago, it didn't help anymore. There are better options out there.

Anyway don't let yourself get killed by unlucky circumstances. :)

And yes, love is real. :)

I hope this doesn't break the "professional advice" rule, I'm really unsure about its extend. Well as a disclaimer, this does not replace professional advice!

Are you there


my suggestion is to find a new job in a different field. I was a server also, and a lot of the times people SUCK.

dont you hate the server nightmares? i'd love to chat, i think I can relate

You are of infinite worth. Please keep fighting. I'm glad you're alive. I am here if you need to talk to someone.

Amen to that! and I'm here too. I'm on quite a bit.

Thank you ask well... I wasn't sure what kind of responses I would receive but even these small ones make me feel some relief

Thank you so very much, I am in tears from your kind words. I have contacted my work to have some time off.. I've never used the internet or forums for help but I am glad I did last night. This did help me even If I have no idea who you are or what you look like, thank you... :')

I'm so glad to hear that. You did a great job surviving today. I'm proud of you.

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